October 31, 2018 (event)

Behr's Halloween 2018 Noder Meet

Welcome to the Greater Baltimore Area including the Harbor!

This will be updated as new information continues to come in. Here are some of the confirmed attendees and a tentative schedule of events. I had help from Seymour who is a new guy I don't have time for but he haa computer skills.

Confirmed in Attendance (RSVP to be added):

• Chopper
• Brandon Hitler
• Jet-Poop (via conference call only since he is under house arrest due to voting for Beto O'Rourke)
• A noder named Steve
• A noder named Cathy
• A noder named Vince
• A noder named Book Reader
• A noder named Nemosyn (via "Skype" because she says it is "too far" due to pusillanimous attitude overall)
• The noder couple I almost killed at a noder meet eleven years ago
• A mutating hairless ass weasel
• 13 unhatched testicular eggs
• Yours truly (friend Behr)

Schedule of Events (tentative):

WEDNESDAY OCTOBER 31st

• At 7pm there will be a cocktail reception for incoming guests lasting until 8pm
• At 8pm I will give a lecture on ethics in America
• After the lecture (no questions will be taken) I will give a tour of the construction of my Bible and Constitution Theme Park
• At 9pm Brandon Hitler will address the gathered faithful to pledge loyalty to him and get in on the ground floor for his 2024 Presidential run
• At 10pm will will play "Eat Poop You Cat"
• Drinking games hosted by Chopper
• Lights out (Time to be negotiated by Brandon Hitler)
• I will personally visit each female guest to get to know them better at some point during the night after you've gone to sleep 

• 6am Noders will be awoken and ordered to go out and get breakfast for me and my associates (at gunpoint with no safety on if you are uppity)
• 7am Eating of breakfast (portions will be distributed based on pay stubs so bring them - the more income you have, the more breakfast you will be allowed to eat so don't forget)
• 8am Everyone will be asked to leave
• 9am Those still in attendance will be dealt with (I have businesses to run)

Directions: From the airport follow the signs to Oriole Park at Camden Yards and then take a sharp left before you get there. Make two more sharp lefts and you will be almost back to where you came from, except look carefully and you will see a streeet called Terror Gulch Lane. That won't take you to my house but it is interesting to note that is there and you can only see it out of the corner of your eye (close one eye while driving past, cock head to the left, crane that neck, partially close the open eye and there it is. Go a little further and you'll see my street. There is lot of construction going on involving hung men who are masculine. They are working on building my theme park. They won't be coming to my party because they aren't noders (to my knowledge).

What Happened!

First of all, at 3pm Greater Baltimore Area Time, Jet-Poop arrives in a van and starts ranting while unloading metal pipes and jugs out of the back of the van. He keeps yelling, "I need to get totally fucked up!" and I try to help him unload the van. He is fine with that until I ask him what it is for and he snaps at me like my ex-wife and says he wants to make bathtub gin in my bathtub and I tell him that is where I take a tubby with my Jennifer Garner action figure. He gets REALLY pissed at this point so I tell him I do have another tub in the basement where I use lye and other chemicals to dissolve the bodies of my "hostages" when I am done experimenting on them.

We drag all this junk down to the basement and Jet-Poop gets mad because the tub is filled with chemical residue and human-based goo. I get some of the "hostages" to scrub the tub until it is fairly clean and Jet-Poop gets working on this bathtub gin business and I leave him to it.

Chopper (who is still alive) arrives at 6pm with the urn containing the remains of The Slow Kid. He is hard as a rock. Chopper and I round up a few of the "hostages" to help us set up for the cocktail reception and we have to cut one's tongue out for insolence. It threatened to put a damper on things, but the mood lightened significantly when we threw the tongue in the fruit punch bowl giving Chopper and me an inside joke we could reference for the rest of the noder meet.

Brandon Hitler picked up his girlfriend Nemosyn (who would not give her human name) at the airport. Her arrival from lesser country Australia was a surprise, but I gave her a MAGA hat and she wore it for the rest of the night. She thanked me by kissing me full on the mouth but told me it "wasn't sexual and to please not take it that way." She had froglike appendages so there was little chance of me wanting any of that anyway. I think Brandon Hitler might be turning her into a X-Man type person for reasons.

Other noders were coming in like flies and Noder Vince really took to the bathtub gin once Jet-Poop brought it up from the basement and strongly encouraged everyone to drink it. He was wielding a crowbar and had a crazed look in his eye when he "suggested" people drink his gin. Noder Cathy took several blows to the head when she refused even a sip, saying she was an "alcoholic," but then she drank heavily all night so I think she was lying about that.

After everyone met and kissed full on the mouth, I began my lecture on ethics in America. No one was paying attention because Noder Vince was dancing naked on my coffee table and people were looking at his enormous schlong just hanging there and moving around like some kind of jungle monkey. That was when the testicular eggs began humming and when the severely mutated hairless ass weasel went over and laid on top of them. This guy named Book Reader went over and looked closely at what was going on and the ass weasel bit his nose completely off. He left after that in an ambulance.

The frog chick took off her clothes and started dancing on the table with Vince, which did not please Brandon Hitler one bit. He ordered two of the centurion-like security forces he personally trained to "take care of it" and there was trouble. Vince was hung in the yard and I personally flayed him for his mistake, putting that big swinging dick of his in a jar with preservative fluid to use as a decoration in my planned Moses ride. My guests were starting to see the need to conduct themselves more properly.

I began the tour of all the property I acquired through excellent use of the eminent domain and manifest destiny clauses of the US Constitution, showing the noders the progress I was making on my rides and exhibits, including the wonderful thing I had built where the Ten Commandments (the rules I live by) and the Constitution (other rules I live by) to show that they are actually exactly the same through the use of hologram technology. Noder Alessandro was astounded and peed just a little bit in his pants.

When we got back, the frog girl was getting into it with Chopper because she kept calling him The Slow Kid and talking about how Chopper's ashes were in the urn. He didn't like being called The Slow Kid and used Halloween magic to take on the appearance of a ghost and then messed with her head the rest of the night. It was hilarious.

Brandon's speech and his campaign promises brought a cheer from everyone and there was a rush to sign up to volunteer on his 2024 presidential bid. People were getting really messed up on the bathtub gin and Noder Henry vomited so much one of his lungs came out of his mouth. I was disgusted but intrigued.

The X-Man type ass weasel crawled off the eggs at that point and began menacing towards Jet-Poop, who had brought a dog with him that just made funny faces at people but couldn't actually kill a person. That dog took off the moment the ass weasel began moving and didn't protect Jet-Poop at all from attack but Jet-Poop was so shitfaced on his bathtub gin that he didn't care any longer and just started hitting himself in the head repeatedly with his own crowbar. "What's the point? We're all doomed." He kept saying that over and over so I made him pancakes.

The testicular eggs were glowing bright blue and frog girl and one of the geekier noders went over to look at them. One of the eggs burst open and a thing came out and scampered across the floor. That was unsettling.

We set up to play the game "Eat Poop You Cat" but when I brought out the cages of cats I'd "kidnapped" around the neighborhood and the bag of turds I'd collected from neighborhood bathrooms, people looked at me funny. Apparently I didn't understand the game and I just cancelled it and we went back to drinking.

I passed out soon after that and don't remember what happened during the night except frog girl was pregnant and about to pop and no one knew why and also the eggs were all gone except for nasty glowing blue residue the consistency of tomato soup all over the counter. The ass weasel was nowhere to be found.

Noders were forced at gunpoint into the local diner to get breakfast and portions were distributed according to income levels. Then everyone got off to the airport and I had the "hostages" clean up.

Aftermath writeups can be posted below.