Having money, a 1978 Oldsmobile Cutlass and some very smart looking outfits, the one thing I have lacked since my wife and I parted has been a girlfriend. Now, thanks to my friend Chopper and associates of his that I am only slightly familiar with, I have a girlfriend!

There are stipulations as there always are in the modern life ways of dating. I only see her for about a half hour or maybe an hour several days a week. I pick her up at her apartment and drive her over to the home of a man she owes thousands of dollars to because of a drug habit. I drop her off at his home where she performs humiliating sexual acts on him and his friends and I wait and when she is done with this she comes out to my Cutlass and I drive her home. At times we talk, but often there is silence, but twice now she has given me a hug after I've dropped her off. This makes her my girlfriend on several levels which is why I now consider her such.

I might prefer a more low key relationship but at my age and with the current climate in the United States of America as well as the Greater Baltimore Area, I must consider myself lucky to have this awesome situation fall into my lap. So now my day consists of getting up at five in the morning, logging into the main computer for Civil War Action Figures, Ltd., send out and respond to investment related e-mails, take a shower, gloss my bald head, put on a smart suit, and go to the public school where I am employed as a substitute gym teacher and a substitute remedial science teacher. Then I hook up with Chopper for some planning on handling the growing Baltimore insurgency, go do the stuff I do with Jennifer, who is the woman I speak of above, my girlfriend, in other words, the girlfriend of Berhardt Goates who is named Jennifer who I told you about in previous paragraph, read back if you have forgotten or skipped ahead in reading because you worried I was going to say something that was not of interest to you or germaine to the situation you were planning on reading about when you logged in and went to Behr's daylog. Enough said. girlfriend.

I am tonight planning on making a move on my girlfriend by asking her, either on the way to her friend's house or on the way back to her home, whether she would like to stop at a Drive-Thru restaurant, such as McDonald's which employs a clown I like name of Ronald McDonald about whom I once researched information, or a Burger King or other place depending on her tastes and likelihood of hunger after doing what she does at this friend's house which on second thought is probably very platonic and not at all what she has told me it is all about since she is my girlfriend and she is classy except for talk that is untrue she tells me about performing lewd sexual acts upon men in return for cash and possibly drugs I know she has nothing to do with so the whole argument is therefore invalid. She is my girlfriend. This is something I want to make perfectly clear since if you met her and she asked if your friend Behr was her boyfriend she might not answer in the affirmative or likely would not due to what she claims to do in that house that I know she does not do since she is my girlfriend and thus not whorey.

Behr has a 10:30 remedial science class to teach now. Today we will discuss how to rearrange atoms so that a broken dinner plate reforms itself at the sub-atomic level.