Maybe you are slipping into your "Sunday go to meeting clothes." Are you? I bet you look nice in them. Why not come by? Have a cup of coffee with me. Give me money. Hand over fist. Time and time again. Call. Appointments available.

Hi, I'm Dr. Peter Swilling, discredited and possessed psychiatrist. Good to meet you. Welcome to brand website. Good times. Nodermeets. Shameful colony at Everything, Kansas fell apart. Many died. Thousands died. Cult website. Sickos.

There are many things a man can tell you. Some have to do with you. Some have to do with him. Some have to do with this and that. You can stand around talking all day. Or you can fuck. You can just fuck. Why not? Why aren't we all fucking right now? Call me. Appointments available. Sliding scale. Many brave men and women are IN THE GROUND.

Pissed about that. Sorry.

I realize the penis becomes like a pickle after too much fucking and that the vagina becomes like a wrung out sponge. Still, the whores do it. Why can't we? I charge $80 per hour for psychiatric sessions. Sit down and talk to me. Over coffee. Biscuits. Freshly baked. By my receptionist. Who I am fucking.

Not really. I don't fuck my staff. Only on their paychecks. I TOTALLY fuck them over when it comes to pay day. Sometimes I hide the whole day with the checks. Once I was in the broom closet. I was in there fucking. A doll. I was in there fucking a doll. It was only a foot tall. I think what I did in that broom closet was sick. Do you think it was sick? Was it sick that I fucked that doll? Pay me eighty bucks and we can talk about it. Over coffee and scones. I can have scones brought in. There will be an additional courtesy charge. You'll pay it. No questions asked. See you at the next Nodermeet, you small-testicled freak. Make me want to throw up on myself in the movies. God that sucks. Ever do that? Throw up on yourself in the movies? And then just sit there in the vomit for two hours because you did it during the previews? Can you imagine that? It happens to people. They have a condition. Be more understanding.

Medically yours,

Dr. Peter Swilling