"Sorry I left you with nothing more than words
dropping silently into a bucket
making my ears ring"
is one of the few utterances
that I have hurriedly scribbled
down in my journal
these past months since I left Nashvegas
. Today, I fought with my mother
, missed my best friend, felt an ache for an old friend
or two, and felt more loved and alone than I have ever felt.
A few days ago
, I was told that I suffer from depression
, to which I almost replied "That explains a lot!! No wonder I never get out of bed anymore!"
These past months have made me think and experience a lot
. Now I am left to myself. I spend too many days just driving
, sluffing off my duties
and attempting to find beauty
in the passing trees and white lines on the road. I, whom you
know as chevette
, have become a dreamer
, a slacker
, an artist
, a musician
and more confused
than I have ever been.
I have realized that all of us
are lonely, aching for one thing or another. Personally, I am aching for love
, but not only those, I desire
to know purpose. So, once again
, I am pulling out my compass
and pointing it toward my northern star
"time gets in the way
of everything I've ever wanted to be
time gets in the way
of that sparkle in your eyes
time gets in the way again
of all I wanted to show you
when you look at me
you don't see me at all..."