You're scanning the personals for a prospective partner in crime. Text can't tell you if she has high cheekbones she's 5'5" and 110 lb, and really looks like a model. Nevertheless, there are certain indicators.

If she's good looking she WON'T say:

  • I've been told I'm pretty/good-looking/beautiful
  • I'm a great cook
  • I'm loyal (RUN!)
  • I can dress in blue jeans or in a little black dress, however you want me to (SOMEHOW WE DOUBT SHE COULD FIT INTO A LBD)
  • The first thirteen times I posted this ad, I didn't have much luck, but here goes anyway. Please PLEASE call me. (SPRINT!)
  • I'd love to go to a romantic restaurant and drink wine and later, go on a romantic stroll under the moonlight (SHE MIGHT BUT YOU WON'T)
  • I'm looking for an honest, caring man (DO NOT LEAVE A PHONE NUMBER)

If she's good looking she MIGHT say:

  • Most men underestimate me because of how I look (WORTH A TRY)
  • I love the Caribbean and love nothing better than being on a boat with a tall man with tight abs (HOT, BUT RUN!)
  • I'm not high maintenance, but I do appreciate a man holding the car door open for me and buying flowers occasionally. (SHE'S HIGH MAINTENANCE)
  • I appreciate the attention from you younger guys, but if you're younger than 25, there are plenty of other hotties that would work well for you. (DEFINITELY CHECK HER OUT)
  • You should be confident but not arrogant. You should be active and fit. A moonlit drive down to the beach will make you as happy as a night on the town. You should look as good in a tuxedo as you do in blue jeans and a tight tee shirt. (EXPENSIVE)
  • Listening to one another's thoughts, dreams, and desires. Why not? Life is so incredibly beautiful. (YES PEOPLE REALLY WRITE LIKE THIS)
  • I might let you paint my toenails (KINKY AND INTERESTING)
  • Don't bother sending 'form' replies. Cut and paste does nothing for me. (SHE'S DONE THIS A LOT)
  • Shoot me a few lines. I'll get back to you. (COOL CHICK)
  • It's not about your looks or your financial situation. It's the whole package. (YOU'D BETTER BE HOT AND LOADED)

The ones who care what you think about them are by definition good wife material, but may not be a true hottie. The hot ones don't care if you live or die. Life is all about them.