There is an empty bottle of Suntory Red Whiskey somewhere nearby. I took it down all by myself last night, the 8 piece band playing in my head tells me this.

This is not the first thing I remember. The first thing I remember is how soft her lips felt, how soft her tongue was, the way her breath quickened when I kissed her neck, the way her eyes looked into me.

I pick up the phone that has shattered my sleep. It is my girlfriend. She is sweet and sunny and giving me a wakeup call. She does not know.

I lie. I am an excellent liar. I was watching movies last night. I was not getting drunk and hitting on my neighbor. I was not cheating on you. I am not still thinking about the softness of her tongue in my mouth. The banal, mindless dribble you are filling my ears with does not bore me. I don't want to break up with you.

I will have to see her again today and for many days hence. It is a bad idea to become involved with your neighbors. It will be awkward, but I live on awkwardness, it makes my life easier. She didn't know that she wanted to kiss me until I showed her. I will be thinking about that softness until I feel it again.

I am a bad person. I have come to accept this.