First, a little background on why we have such a bad rap:

Undoubtedly, all of the hostility directed towards government employees is deserved. The majority of people who serve their federal, state, or local town government have a sole purpose in life to piss people off. Meter maids give you parking tickets. Cops, well… cops can be pleasant if you give them a doughnut or even a donut, but most are not like Chief Wiggum and usually are present only to lecture you about doing something bad or illegal. Then, majority of politicians are government employees because they get elected to a public office they are not exactly well liked.

Secondly, it is assumed that the government employee is lazy. This is a fairly accurate assumption. While not true for each and every employee, it is correct for most. When you become employed by the government, what usually happens is you become part of a union. This is a good thing for the employee, because from this point on, he or she has job security. As long as you do not do something enormously stupid, chances are you will never be fired. Lectured, yes. A bad mark on your permanent record, maybe. Pressured to quit, certainly. But if you have stamina and balls, then you have a job for the rest of your life. As soon as you get comfy, the slack begins. Hour lunches turn into hour and a half lunches. Work starts at 9:00 AM, but if you get here 9:30 AM, you’re still on time. Go figure. And best of all, you get “wash up time” which means that at 4:50 PM every day you are excused to go “wash up”, which means you get to bail and get on the T early, as opposed to the rest of the other poor schmucks working around Government Center who get out at 5:00 PM. You would think that the government employees are leaving early as you see them running out of City Hall at this time, but in fact, the people who are leaving early are already home because they left anywhere around 4:30 PM. So counting smoking breaks (which you learn to take even if you don’t smoke), regularly scheduled 15-minute breaks, getting in late, leaving early, extended lunch, and of course social gatherings around the water cooler… the average employee may work approximately four hours, while being paid for seven. This is the epitome of being lazy.

Lastly, resentment. I do believe some people are jealous of the so called high life that the government employees take advantage of. Plenty of people try to acquire one of these positions, but usually people get promoted from within. Unless you are related to someone, or sleep with someone, your chances of getting a job here are slim to none. And no… I didn’t sleep with anyone (this time) to get my job. I took a co-op position which most any loser can acquire for a small fee. Close enough for government work is so true. Half assed is standard around here. You get a small amount of power to bully the average citizens. As they say, power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely. This all contributes to the bitter and pompous attitude of the government employee.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I dread being a government employee. It is not the ideal work environment. We get 13 paid holidays, the internet connection is pretty fast, and you can slack consistently, but there’s no free snacks, no fooseball and there is the fear of being a government employee for the rest of your life. I want out. But I am also perplexed, because I don’t actively pursue another job. I just sit and gripe and node on the taxpayer’s buck. I think I am on my way to being a really great government employee. So if you run into me, ask me how the job search goes. In the meantime, I am a government employee. Hear me snore…. ROAR. I mean roar.

"I'm just saying that I'm not the kind of guy who disrupts things so he can shit comfortably..." -Dante Hicks, Clerks