My wife called me at work today as she left the doctor's office.
"I have bad news, worse news, and good news. Which do you want first?"
"Just let me have it all honey."
"My
kidneys are failing. If they get any worse, they're going to have to do an emergency
C-Section and take the baby. They've moved the delivery date up to 28 weeks."
"Okay."
I didn't know what else to say. There was a crushing, sinking
silence filling my chest, like my heart stopped and I couldn’t breathe all at once. Heather filled the gap "They said the baby's doing fine, very healthy. It's just my kidneys. They can't handle the pressure. I have to go on bed rest. The doctor doesn't want me to do anything anymore..." She spoke so strongly, a soldier reporting from the
front line. My strong soldier that broke down into hysterical sobs when the doctor first confirmed she was
pregnant.
She had been so happy when she finally returned to
college for the spring semester. She was finally where she felt she belonged, finally studying what she wanted. Then came the kidney infection, the
Cipro, and it counteracted her birth control. She took 5
home pregnancy tests because she didn’t want to believe the results.
We both knew that when she got pregnant her diabetes might make things complicated, but this problem with the kidneys, this is new. And now a new due date! 28 weeks. That’s so early. How many months would she spend in the
NICU? My daughter might die if she's delivered that early. My wife might not pull through. She might not heal right after the
C-Section and we can never have kids again. A million and one things could go wrong, might go wrong. It's hard to think they won’t go wrong.
I mourn for my wife stuck at home with nothing to do but lie on the couch and face the prospects of losing a kidney, or dying to have this baby, a baby we didn't plan, a baby we weren't ready to have, but started to welcome and look forward to.
I'm scared. I can’t concentrate on work. I want to fall on my knees and pray to God to please spare both their lives, and to bring Heather through okay. I want to run into every church on
Front Street and beg the assembled faithful to pray for my family. I don’t want to lose either one of them.