ahh, almost 4:30 in the early morningtime...i can't remember the last time i was up this late.

i tell a lie. i went to bed around this time on that second-to-last night of camp where he and i stayed up for hours talking and cuddling in armchairs. funny how you can feel close to someone like that and then

two weeks later, get a vibe that lets you know you'll never hear from him. not true, my optimistic voice says. not true. he told you to phone him. right. textbook scorpio. not a fan of making the effort to be social.

whatever. this week the building across the street burnt down. i woke up at 5 am to the sound of fire...followed by the sounds of screaming...and then the sounds of sirens...the entire neighbourhood smells like burnt building, and with good reason, but, yikes.

i bought a guitar today. no, i don't know how to play it, and being right handed, i instinctively want to play the thing southpaw-style. (blasted ambidextrosness)

i also recieved an email today from my former boss, a man old enough to be my father, who'd totally fallen for me at camp...camp does that to people...two girls, neither of us particularly hideous..one girl starts sleeping with one guy, other five guys fall in love with the other girl. the other girl falls for one guy...life's just one big porn flick, really.

gotten much fatter these past few weeks. maybe it's the lack of exercise, maybe it's the obscene amounts of fried food. i really don't know. started babysitting a little girl. two. adorable. takes all my energy. i miss the buses. i miss my friends. i miss knowing who my friends are. i miss being a teenager. i'm sick of playing grownup.