You got to be kidding me right?
I woke up this fine frigid morning intent on following my usual routine. Shit, shower, shave sans the shave part. I made the usual drive to work, endured the usual traffic problems, arrived at the office, grabbed a cup of coffee and checked my email. After deleting a bunch of bullshit from upper management about the comings and goings of people who I’d never heard of and I’m sure who have never heard of me it was time get my daily dose of the news.
Usually, I log on to the internet, go to CNN and peruse the headlines. If something catches my eye, I’ll clink on the link and scan through the story. From there it’s on to Media Matters to get the left wing slant on some editorials. After that, it’s off to Newshounds where their motto is “We watch Fox so you don’t have to”.
Since I like a balanced diet, I then wander over to Fox News to read some of the opinions and see what Bill O'Reilly has to say and if I’m feeling especially generous stroll on over to the Drudge Report to get the extreme right wing’s take on the world. Having digested all of that, I figured now it’s time for dessert.
So it’s off to the The Huffington Post where I can get a more liberal take on things. Since those views are probably more in line with my way of thinking, I usually enjoy my visit. I find their comedy page usually provides me with some much needed laughs before I dive into my day and begin another frustrating day of living in corporate America.
And that’s when I saw it.
Maybe I missed it on all those other sites because there was no picture to accompany the headline or maybe it just didn’t register. But there, replete with the swastika carved in his head was a picture of Charles Manson with a by-line that read ”Wedding Bells?”
Charles fuckin’ Manson has been granted a wedding license. He’s 80, his intended bride is 26. He’s been in prison since 1969.
I wondered to myself, something is really fucked up in a world where Charles Manson can get married and I can’t even land a date. To the best of my knowledge, I haven’t slaughtered anybody or was in charge of a cult. I’m not stuck behind bars (well, maybe inside one) and have as much contact with the outside world as I need. I consider myself fairly intelligent and even though the aging process is beginning to take hold and I'm not what you would call eye candy, it ain't as bad as Charlie. I have always had a steady, good paying job and even though I can’t afford a lot of things I want, I’d consider myself comfortable.
I then began to wonder, “What the fuck is wrong with me?’ and after doing some soul searching realized it ain’t all that much that can’t be fixed with some tinkering here and there.
So, I’m thinking of forming the “Cult of Borgo” and once I attract some followers plan on wreaking havoc on the weak and the innocent of the world. Maybe that will gain me a certain degree of notoriety that will attract members of the opposite sex my way.
Or, maybe I’ll forgo the news all together and just stick to reading and watching ESPN.