How to polish shoes
Introduction
Perhaps you're wondering why this
node is here. Surely
technology has progressed sufficiently to a point that we now have "
all in one" polish sponges. The ones which when you wipe your shoes down with you get a nice
glossy shine. If you're
lazy go ahead and
walk away from this node. You'll end up paying for more shoes at the end of the day though, since ultimately these new fangled solutions do not condition the shoe.
What I am offering you is a way to deliver a polish that will stun and amaze everyone who will have had the pleasure of glancing down at your shoes. Okay perhaps not, but you'll get a kick ass polish!
I've made the following assumptions which I refuse to deviate from them. Firstly, your shoes are leather (Suede and friends may now leave the room). Secondly, that they're black, I say black because I have never polished shoes of other colours. To merely assume that the procedure is the same (perhaps it is so with brown -- but I'm not going to speculate) is to venture into unknown territory.
Incase you're wondering how I came to learn this art. I watched my Father-in-law and Brother-in-law (who are both in the military) polish their boots this way
Oh one last thing, this is for the grammarians and spelling police: please /msg me before you downvote. I can't abide "downvote driveby's".
You will need:
An
optional extra is a
pair of old (and
unwanted)
tights or a
buffing cloth (lint free?).
Preparation
- Lay the newspaper out across the floor.
- Open the tin of shoe polish take the lid and fill it with a little warm water. A sizable puddle will do.
- Use the 1st shoe polish brush to brush away any debris that maybe on the shoes.
- Rub down the shoes with the damp sponge.
The warm up event
- Take your rag and cover your index finger with it. If it's a thin rag I recommend you cover it twice, as this will reduce how black your finger becomes.
- Touch the water in the with your clothed finger.
- Rub your finger tip (the clothed one) over the polish, don't try to pick out chunks of polish you just want to have a coat of it on your finger tip.
- Apply the soiled clothed finger against one of the shoes. I would recommend you apply in a circular motion on the larger surface areas. CRUDE JOKE ALERT!! As your shoe polishing-fu improves your girlfriend should notice1 the difference. The ultimate goal here is to let the shoe absorb a thin coat of polish.
- Place the shoe to one side and repeat the entire process with the other shoe.
Update: Use
brown shoe polish for every
5th polish this will prevent
excessive build up of black shoe polish (which seems more ready to
cake up than brown)!
The main event
This is what you came here for. This is your time to shine (need I say the pun is fully intended?)! Go out there and a champ!!
Take the first shoe and begin to brush with your shoe polishing brush!
Tips for
success:
- Be as vigorous as possible, but at the same time try to avoid clipping the shoe with the non-bristled areas of the brush.
- I would recommend you polish diagonally on the front area and horizontally on the blade and arch areas of the shoe.
- Work on one side of the shoe at a time, don't be tempted to polish the other half of the front of the shoe.
Conclusion
What you should now have is a pair of shoes that could
double as
mirrors. You may wish to buff with that soft cloth to enhance the
appearance of the shoes, but this is
optional.
"But what about the tights?" (reader)
Ah well I was told by a good friend who was a former Sailor that using them (tights) to buff the shoes will bring even further shine. When I mean buff I mean hold the tights lengthwise and oscillating from left to right across the shoes. I personally have not been able to try this on the account that my Sister no longer lives in the house and my Mom would burst into tears if I started asking for tights.
<sermon>So in conclusion what we have learnt that to get anyway we have to work hard. Working hard is good because it delivers results. Shoes are a vital part of a person's appearance, you may look slick and tight in your suit but if your shoes look like dirty well you're at a loss. Never forget the shoes my friend, as they betray you like scruffy hair, badly or even un-ironed items of clothing in a formal appointment.</sermon>
Updates
August 13, 2003: Typo fix. Thanks
wertperch!
May 5, 2002: Amended updates to reflect the removal ShadowNode's contribution to this node.
May 24, 2001: Added "brown shoe polish" tip discovered whilst trading shoe polishing tips with a bunch of
ex-military folks on my
graduate programme.
June 27, 2000: ShadowNode did have a
point. One problem, you don't get many shoe shiners in
London. :)
1 Male Heterosexual or
Bi/
Homosexual Female reader permitting.