Lately I have been having a lot on my mind. My grades have been like a yo-yo, my boy friend hasn't been making me as happy as he used to, and my mother and I have gone at it. Often I yern for something that doesn't exist in the kind of life that I live. I want more, especially with my relationship, I want more out of the things that I do. My achievements are now meaning nothing to me, but would have been a miracle to my little mind about a year ago. I'm starting to look at life in a whole different view. I'm scared a lot now, about not being able to make it life, considering the fact that I don't know what I want to do with it. I worry about things like money for the future. Neither my mother nor father are wealthy, or even well-off at that. I get scared about the things that can happen to me when I venture off into the street. I dream about being married and successful, and I often have to remind myself that dreams are only things that we want and not what is really going to come true. Sometimes, I feel lonely when there are several people amongst me. I want to explore the world, and the people that live in it. I want to make sense of why I'm here. I want to know my purpose and my future. I want to know who I'm going to be with when my skin is wrinkled and my eyes have crow's feet. Maybe I'm just jaded or maybe I'm growing up.