I have found myself in a predictament. This predictament, by nature, involves two opposing choices that lead to some arbitrary destiny that has been predetermined. (Yet I'll choose anyway). I find myself in this predictament not because of outwardly forces forcing me into a corner, but because of my own nature. I should begin with a tale...

Many years ago. I was social. I had friends. I goofed off with no purpose. I was happy. Then Dexadrine (medicine for ADHD, side affects include loss of appetite, so I was uber thin), a pair of glasses, and puberty all struck seemingly overnight. I became a geek-child against my will (hindsight tells me it wasn't a bad thing). After years of putting up with abusive "friends" and general avoidance by nigh everyone, those that talked to me usually wanted me to do their homework. I always refused, so I didn't even have people pretending to be my friend.

Then I got sick of it. I ditched the glasses for contacts, got a hair cut that was "in-style" and got rid of the acne. People who ignored me for 2 years asked what my name was. High school was filled with people who I enjoyed being around, and I like to think they genuinely liked me (I still get asked to a few group events), but I knew after high-school was over, I'd probably end up ditching them for friends in college. In college, I got a girl friend, for the first time. And life was good. It ended though, 8 months.

Then, with her out of the way, my grades actually climbed. I had a 2.0 after my first semester. My second was a 2.43, and this last semester was a 2.6something. Because I had no social distractions. But I was sad. With no friends, no money, and the fact that I hadn't discovered e2 until mid-semester last semester, I was... miserable.

e2 did a great deal to get me back on my feet. A sort of crutch, if you will. I read many nodes like how to impress a woman and How to Win Friends and Influence People and I learned a great deal on how to make friends. The end result? A social me. Really truelly for the first time since the 4th grade.

So my predictament. I need to do well in school. NEED. But I have friends. No. I'm sorry. It's not as simple as that. I am at war with myself. I know very well that I cannot do well in school so as long as I have friends I hang out wiht regularly. A balance is not an option because of my ADHD. But I am happy with the way my life is going. I have become to asert myself, and have actually taken the initiative several times to ask a girl out (all miserable failures). I am confident about myself (except my shitty ass haircut). I have done something different and new every weekend so far this semester with a few future weekends already planned. But I've done a total of about 30 minutes studying in the two weeks of classes. Granted, when I'm unsociable, I only get about 3 hours a week in. I'm not very good at studying. So there I am. Stuck with my nads stradling a fence.

In something entirely unrelated, any noders out there going to Katsucon?