I am starting to get the distinct impression that I am
invisible; not that it's anyone's fault but my own for failing to make myself
visible.
It's not like me to slip into silence at every opportunity, to avoid the eyes of everyone I pass. I mumble half-answers to important questions, I sit on the dark end of the couch while my friends giggle and laugh beside me. I leave early, stuttering something about being tired , so I can go home to sit on my bed and shiver because I like the feeling of cold against my skin. Even better is the all-over warmth when I jump under my blankets wearing a big t-shirt and rejection pants. I don't feel like eating because it involves contact with something other than myself; I guess digestion is a bit too much like the conversations I am avoiding, or maybe it's my own way of making myself less visible.
Normally I love the sound of a human voice, but today I just want them all to go away. I mean, I still love them and all, and I know that they love me, but I don't really want to be acknowledged. Well, maybe I do. Fuck, I really have no idea what I want! It's tiring, this whole extrovert thing. I don't know if I'm quite cut out for it.