Day 2: Ernest Goes to Sea

An “at sea” day. Always my favorite. These are the days where you are forced to relax. There’s nowhere to go, and you’re five minutes from everything you need. Today went like this. Wake up, eat breakfast, activity, lunch, activity, dinner, drink, sleep. The perfect day. A day that feels like it wasn’t nearly long enough but still lasted an eternity.

I signed up for my Ocho Rios excursion. Brimmer Hall Plantation and Dunn’s River Falls. I know next to nothing about either of them but it was the one excursion that covered the most territory. There were other Dunn’s River Falls excursions that included drinking on a boat, or drinking on a beach, or drinking at the falls but I’d like to see a little of Jamaica. My mother has decided to come along. A couple we ate lunch with said the climb isn’t too rough and that my mom shouldn’t have much of a problem.

After lunch, I sat by the pool where Ernest from Milwaukee became the most famous passenger. He was crowned champion of the Belly Flop competition. There wasn’t much of competition, however. Ernest was the only contestant to actually belly flop. The others would lift their pelvic region just before impact. But not Ernest. He leaped from the platform, put his hands behind his head, stuck out his gut, and welcomed the pain. My guess is that he already has kids, has no desire to have kids, or had his testicles removed.

Tonight was formal night for dinner. I forgot a tie. Surprise, surprise. Lucky for me that we live in the 21st Century and ties are out of style. Before dinner, the family stopped by the Captain’s cocktail party. We got to shake hands with the captain! And he bought us drinks! I guess that’s the least he can do while he makes his underlings steer the boat. Funny thing is... I never would have known we had a captain had he not had a cocktail party. One of those jobs you just assume is being done correctly. The party was lame. They served two kinds of cocktails, Tom Collins’ and Bacardi cocktails. I had the latter even though it was pink and obviously the more girly drink.

Filet Mignon for dinner. Good choice. I couldn’t decide what I wanted for desert, cheesecake or cherries jubilee. I had them both. I love cruises. In retrospect, I should have put the cherries on top of the cheesecake. Maybe tomorrow.

Went to the show. Worst cruise show ever. I know that there is a certain cheese factor required of all resort entertainment. But does it have to be boring too? The first act was a blacklight puppet show. One of those shows where you can’t see the puppeteers because they’re dressed in black. Their puppets float around and dance and do “funny” things. I guess it’s funny because they’re puppets. The same premise the Greg the Bunny show relied on. I’ve seen this act performed better on the subway. The comedian was decent. He only told married jokes, though. Makes me wonder if marriage turns everyone into a one-dimensional human. I still got most of the jokes. And they were funny. The comic was smart. He only told jokes that made the men look like asses.

Evan kicked my ass in chess. I lasted about 15 minutes. In a deliberate attempt to avoid the casino, we went to see A Beautiful Mind. Lord of the Rings was better.

Tomorrow I find out how fat I am. Should be enlightening.

The Voyage Continues

Day 1: It rained on my Paradise
Day 3: Labadee, Labada, Life Goes on, Bra!
Day 4: I seis the Rios, I siete the Rios, I Ocho the Rios
Day 5: The Voyage Home