What is the point? Oh, don’t read that and pretend you either know the answer or never cared. Just seriously, ask yourself, what the fuck is the point? I would assume getting the most out of life, the whole sucking the marrow out of it theory; Carpe Diem sort of speak. Yeah, that’s what I think. Thought. Will think. Pick a tense. Then, of course, you have to eye the curve of the ball. The sink. The break. Swing now? No no, not yet, timing’s all wrong. The problem is life doesn’t want you sucking its marrow. Life isn’t in the habit of sharing.

So, this would be the part where I’d say, “get the fuck off your ass and attack life, make it your bitch.” Yeah, that’s the pep talk or some facsimile thereof. Life has this cute little setup where it taunts you with some nice pie piece and quickly whips away the welcoming mat. You fall down some stairs, three or four at a time, landing in some sort of animal feces or grease spot near the driveway which, of course, someone of masterful consideration wouldn’t dare cleanup for fear you might fall into a clear spot of soft grass.

But Ryan (that’s what you say), But Ryan shouldn’t we keep a positive attitude and try our hardest knowing we will reap the rewards? But schmuck (that’s what I say to the sucker who said that first line to me), But schmuck, how can you fall for the sunshine is always pretty and all good deeds see rewards drivel that dumb asses who live at #1 Happy Street subscribe to? It’s pretty simple: life is an odd lottery. I will concede that hard work increases your chances of fantastic rewards but you must reciprocate that life always has a little house edge on fucking you right in the ass when you bend over to pick up that little old lady’s groceries that life probably fucked right out of her hands as she slipped to break her hip no matter how many years she contributed as a nurse in countless hospitals sweating blood and tears over endless dieing patients.

Well you callous sonofabitch (that’s what you call me now), you just need to turn that frown upside down! (insert two sounds here: my fist hitting your face, you hitting the floor).

Looks like life hits us all in one-way or another.