I'm definitely going to continue writing on this writeup because I can feel it but I just don't know what it is yet. I'm choosing to publish this already because I feel it can stand on its own but it's also frustrating me because I feel like there's so much more potential. I want to get it out there, patience be damned. The most common blood type in the United States belongs to the O+ blood type. That's Alices' blood type. It's also mine. She happens to be one of the [strangest] and most [alluring] people I have ever had the [pleasure] of encountering. I don't know an [especially] large amount about Alice, as she has chosen to share very little of her background with me. She's not pretentious or self-absorbed. She has chosen to leave much of herself and her past a mystery. I don't [pry]. I know enough of and about her to love her dearly. That's good enough for me. I once shared with Alice that my mother left me in childhood even though we were both being abused by my father. The anger and hatred I sometimes felt for her and what she did to me knew no bounds. Alice one day told me that I should try and forgive my mother. My mother's not a bad person per se. But I still felt at the time enormous feelings of [rage] towards and disappointment in Alice. Sometimes I'm afraid that something in the relationship between Alice and I changed. Very small but still [significant]. You could say that a piece of Alice is in me. [Literally]. When I needed a kidney she gave me one. I felt extremely bad at the time because before the operation I spent a few days in the hospital being [diagnosed]. Alice said nothing about it but I could see and hear and feel how terrified she was about what I was going through and the terrible things that might happen to me. I hated myself for it at the time and I always will. There've been times in our lives where I've felt extremely worried about her well-being but I remind myself I will always have Alice. She'll always be in my heart, my mind, and my soul. If that sounds cheesy or absurd to you please feel free to kiss my ass. I love her immensely for it. That's all I'll say. Alice is an agnostic but she believes in giving blood [religiously]. I once made a joke about the blood of Jesus flowing through all of us. She was not pleased. There's an app that will tell you where and when the blood was delivered to a hospital and to a patient. Alice likes to play a game where she tells me the [recipient] of the blood and the details of their hospital stay but also many details about their lives. The delight she gets in doing this puts me in mind of a child playing a game. I didn't know Alice in her childhood but when she plays these games and does other certain child-like [frolic]s, I see the young Alice in the adult Alice. I love her for it but it makes me sad because I've only known her as an adult. Maybe I'm a want-it-all and easily disappointed selfish [bastard]. But if you knew Alice as well as I do maybe you could forgive me. There's been so many things I need to be forgiven for. She knows that I have many faults and weaknesses but she never makes me be [ashamed] or feel like less of a person because of them. We walk arm-in-arm in our [beliefs]. I don't know how her belief in people can stretch so far but it does. I once heard a woman say "everybody deserves [compassion]". It wasn't Alice but sometimes I feel like that statement [embodies] pieces of Alice. Though it might seem foolish or inappropriate to others, to Alice it's common sense and right and good. She's been a member of the Big Brothers Big Sisters program for quite awhile. She does many group activities with a few children but she's especially devoted to her Little Sister Annie. Recently they have started an activity where they write to people in the [prison system]. Some of these are murderers and rapists. Sometimes I think Alice and Annie's work is futile, dangerous, and [borderline] madness. But I've seen letters that they've written and received and I'm much impressed by how much intelligence, [kindness], self-awareness, and forgiveness flows from all sides. A part of me can't help but to be immensely [jealous] of their relationships. Annie is only 10 but she has excellent writing, reading, logic, and [reasoning] skills. She's also a great hugger. I was never hugged as a child and I'm not ashamed to [admit] that sometimes I get tears in my eyes when I can feel what she's giving me. But just as we exchange hugs we also exchange poetry, songs, and laughter. In writing we both share a love of Emily Dickinson, Stephen King, Walt Whitman, Katherine Ramsland, Homer, and Agatha Christie. In jokes Annie finds (much to my surprise) the various "dead baby" jokes [immensely] amusing. I should say we have a shared love of dark humor that allows her to be something of the woman she will become of someday. Yet she still remains a child in her enthusiasm, curiosity, and [silliness]. Sometimes I think she loves games even more than Alice which is quite a feat. Alice is an animal lover. But one of her passions is pit bull ownership. She knows that many if not all pit bulls can be relatively nonviolent if they are so trained and so kept. She knows that sometimes training and keeping may not stop a pit bull from attacking. (But unlike these dunderhead, ignorant, moronic fools who think "all pitbulls" holds true she knows it's possible to rear some. There will never be a perfect pit bull free from violence. I love her for this also. It also makes me slightly enraged to know that there are human beings that stupid.) She also chairs an organization which raises [public awareness] about pit bull [breeding], good ownership [tactics], prison programs where by [inmates] can train and work with pit bulls, and [adoption]. Emily in [particular] likes to work with children in becoming more knowledgeable, and experience working with and loving animals. Birds, bees, the [ruddy mongoose], you name it. It can often be intimidating and sometimes fear-inducing for children to work with animals. But Alice loves animals, she loves children, and she finds a way to bridge the small but [significant] gap in-between them. Fear is a many-headed, terrible, painful, and [all-consuming] thing. And it always tears Alice apart to see and know that this is true. She pretends to be [stoic] but I know and always will that their fear and pain does [terrible] things to her. It makes me feel bitter that so wonderful a woman can feel so disappointed, so upset, so useless, and so insignificant. Maybe you can tell that I'm a very [bitter] person in general. But I have Alice, and at the end of the day that's more than enough. Alice also does work in helping people with grief. Death, disease, etc. She's a trained [grief counselor]. She works with leaders in the religious, funeral, medical and other fields to achieve better grieving. I know that she has personally stood besides hundreds (at least) of people who are going through [grieving]. She spends time at hospitals, church [ceremonies], schools, and other places to help people in and around [grief]. I know they appreciate this greatly as I've had dozens of people tell me so. I know she's "amazing", "kind", "[sweet]", "wise beyond her years", and "special" because they've told me so themselves. People in many other places have told me this, too. I love Alice. I hope you'll love her, too. Dedicated to C.H., "everybody deserves compassion"

Affluxion (idea)