I was walking around on the streets around 2 A.M. around your area of town but I didn’t really feel like talking to you, so I didn’t. Instead I just walked around, ya know, not really going anywhere or paying any attention to anything. I had my headphones on, the ones with the Harry Potter stickers on them, and I was listening to some mix CD I had made with mostly children’s television theme songs on it.
But shit, I saw this crazy looking yellow puff of fur sitting on the curb and just didn’t understand; this yellow puff was a gutter punk monster or something. The furball had on a black leather jacket with all of these chrome spikes on it, along with a spike bracelet too. And it had a bunch of pins clamped on to it’s fur, like The Casualties and Blanks 77 and Anal Cunt. Right then I remembered my Game Boy.
Holy shit! It’s a pikachu!
Yeah it was. And this pikachu must’ve read my mind, or I had said what I said out loud or something, because its head turned my way. I nearly pooped myself, I just didn’t know what the hell was going on. I don’t do drugs or anything like that, so this wasn’t some silly acid trip that my friend Dylan would tell me about.
The pikachu got up and started walking towards me. I was kinda nervous, but I turned off my CD player and took off my headphones and I waited for him to reach me. He didn’t look angry, aside from the spikes all over him he looked normal. Oh, and the mohawk, that was pretty scary too. But he looked pretty cute anyway, at least until...
THE FUCKING PIKACHU PUNCHED ME IN THE FACE!!!
I’m not kidding. He punched me right in my god damn face. He had some real force too because he knocked me backwards and I landed on my butt. Now I was pretty scared, and then it fucking talked to me...
"The names Punkachu, bee-yotch!" it said.
All right, this made sense at least and it was clever. I didn’t want to laugh though because my face still hurt and I’m a wuss who can’t fight and if I remember correctly pikachu’s can shoot lightning or something. Maybe Punkachu would try to fry me or something. But nah, Punkachu extended his round arm and I grabbed a hold of it and he hoisted me up.
"Sorry about that, but I just don’t like it when people call me a pikachu. I’m way more bad ass. And I don’t go around saying crazy shit like 'pika pika pika! I’m stupid!', ya know what I mean?" said Punkachu.
"Yeah, I dig. I didn’t mean any disrespect," I said.
"No, it’s cool. Don’t worry about it," said Punkachu.
Punkachu brought out a cigarette and offered me one. I told him I don’t smoke and he was cool with that. He lit up and puffed a few and I thought it was ironic because he was puffy himself. We stood there, in the middle of the street, for a while and neither of us was really saying anything. Then I broke the silence and stuff.
"So, you uh, like the hardcore punk, aye?" I couldn’t really think of anything else to say. But he picked up on that and went into some big speech, mostly to kill the silence, I think.
"Yeah, well, you know, I guess it’s all right. For a long time I was stuck with little kids coming up to me, asking to pet me, and shit like that, so I decided it was time for a change. I just wanted to rebel against everything, you know what I mean, and punk rock is so loud and aggressive and crazy and I was just like, yeah, that’s for me. So I got a mohawk, some pins, and then I got this leather jacket. And I believe in anarchy, although I don’t what the hell is going on there. It’s silly. But shit, now at least no stupid kids are coming up to me with their pens and pencils and asking me to sign their shit or whatever. Anyway, wanna go have some adventures or something?"
I didn’t know what he meant, but I was down for it anyway, mostly because I was so lonely and in your neighborhood and well...I just wanted a friend. So for the next three months me and Punkachu traveled around the world. It was fun, but like all good things it had to come to an end. Sometimes I think about Punkachu and I realize that he was a real good guy. He was puffy and stuff.