Tyler Evans, Grade 4, Miss Bell's Class, Shady Grove Elementary
Vichizzle McNizzle, Pimp Daddy
Vichizzle: Yo muthafuckas, there be some fucked up shit goin down they in N'awlins. Fer real, dawg. First of all, that big fuckin sea ho Katrina comes flingin her windy tits into tha Gulf Coast and tearin it up. They thought it wuz gun kick some major N'awlins booty but she axtually does a major blow job on Gulf Port, Mississipaayy! Blows that fucker up! There be mo shit layin around aftah that than one o my hotel rooms on a Sunday mornin, knowhaddi'msayin? So aftah dat, everybody be thinkin that N'awlins got off lucky, get a little bit o water outta small part of the city and they be all a'tizzle again. But then shit goes bad. FUCK. Them fuckin levees break and all kinds of H2-HO from that Lake Ponchawhatthefuckyoucallit be cole spillin into the great streets of the Louisiana haven of drinkin, smokin, fuckin, and suckin.
Now fuckas down they have no powah, be in twentayy feet o water filled with shit (and I mean shit fo real), nastayyy chemicals, and dead muthafuckas be floatin round in it, too. And they crazy muthafuckas be wadin in dat shit, either tryin to get the fuck out, or lootin! Dat right. They fuckin stealin clothes an radios. What the fuck mattah wit dem? Suriously. Where they fuck they gonna plug they new big screen tvs and CD playahs into? They gonna float 'em all the fuck to Texasss? Shit. All I know, the Vichizz be glad his ass ain't down there. But I'm a lil wurried. Few o my hos be down there gettin me some fine Southern weed and I ain't heard from 'em. Lot o y'alls be thinkin all us pimps be turrible to our hos, bitchslappin 'em around an shit, like yo see in da movies. But, least fo Vichizz, I don do dat. I good to my hos. Dat right. I fuck anybody up who fucks wit 'em. And I wurry bout 'em when they in trouble. I could hawlay sleep lass night. Course that coulda been cuz o that good shit I snorted fo crashin.
But anyways, my main point is, dat shit down there is sad and I wish 'em well, even the stupid muthafuckas, and makes the Vichizz sad to hur that maybe thousands be dead. I know I come off all cole and harsh an shit, but the Vichizz gots a heart. My line o work, though, gotta be a hardass most of the time, dat juss the way it is, knowhaddi'msayin? I juss hope it's back to normal by the time Mardi Gras rolls around, yo. Don't know what the Vichizz would do without his annual tiffyfest.
Tyler: Recently a really bad huricane hit the city of New Orleans and some other place in Missisippi. Its name was Katrina. Most people thought it was going to blow away New Orleans but mostly it destroyed that place in Missisipi. Then everybody thought that New Orleans was safe, but some dams broke and water from that lake spilled into the streets and flooded the whole city. Some people went to the football stadium for safety. My dad said he thought it was eyeronic that their team is called Saints when the entire city is always filled with a bunch of sinners.
Yeah, my dad says that they had it coming, that it is God's wrath on them like Sadam and Gommorah. He says that city was filled with sinners and hores doing all kinds of drugs and bad stuff and God flooded it like he did the entire world a really long time ago. He said that a bunch of gay people were about to have one of their parades right after the huricane hit. He said it was not a coinsidence. But I was watching the huricane stuff on TV and they showed that one guy who lost his wife over and over, and it made me sad. Why would God make people so sad? Will God someday flood my friend Bobby Miller's house? My dad says he's probably a little fairy with the way he walks and because he might be gay he doesn't let me hang out with him anymore. I would miss Bobby if that happened.
My new teacher Miss Bell says that next week the school is going to have a bake sale to help the victims of the hurricane. Would it be going against God to try to help them if he's trying to kill them all? I am very confused. But I guess I'll sell some of my mom's muffins anyway. They're very good. My dad tried to keep her from doing it but she said a really bad word to him and did it anyway.
Vichizzle: Hey, juss heard from one o my hos, she be callin in da cell phone at the edge of some bridge down there where peoples be gettin signals. I all glad an shit that she be OK, but she got sepurated from the utha ho while they be partyin at one o those ho-tels. Don't know where she at. Fuck. And she lost all that fuckin weed down there, too. There goes that par-taay I wuz plannin next week!
Tyler: They say is a lot of poop floating around in the water down there because people are going to the bathroom in it. Ewwww. Why aren't they using the toilets? Maybe they are a bunch of animals like my Dad says. I might eat most of the muffins. They look so good!
11/24/04 == 12/20/04 == 12/21/04 == 12/30/04 == 01/31/05 == 02/10/05 == 02/14/05 == 05/18/05 == 07/25/05 == 09/01/05 == 10/24/05 == 12/22/05 == 07/20/06 == 10/31/06 == 02/07/07 == 07/13/07 == 12/18/07 == 9/17/08