Tyler Evans
, Grade 3, Mrs. Baker's Class, Shady Grove Elementary
Vichizzle McNizzle, Pimp Daddy

Vichizzle: Hey y'all. What's happenin? With the holi-daze comin up, I'll be tellin ya a bit about the origins of the Turkey Day. Ya see, a long, long time ago, like back in the sixteen hundreds or some shit, this group of white folk, they all bein' opressed an shit by they King, right? Now some say it be about religions an shit, but akshully they all be trippin cuz they all bein persecuted for they weed, knowhaddi'msayin? Those white folks, the Pilgrimzz, they be wantin to get the fuck out of dat shit over there and do all the smokin' they want. So they all pile onto their big ol' boat, the mac daddy of boats, the Mayflower, and it ain't bout no flower, ya dig? That's what they call they weed back then.

Anyways, it be a loooong trip back then, from that European continent over to the Americas since they didn't have no technologies an shit, mighta taken like two months or some whacked shit like that. So them white boyz packed it up good. They needed plenty of dip for the trip, knowhaddi'msayin? So anyways, the Mayflower be sauce of the seas, big ol' par-tay on water. By the time they get over hur, they all be sufferin from a massive case of the munchies. Maybe one of the biggess they evah 'sperienced. Werd dat. So they be needin to satisfies they cravins and they prolly went straight up lookin' fo some grub. Then the Pilgrimzz meet some dark folks who all not be wearin much clothes an shit and be carryin big ol spears. Sure those white folks think the darker folks be savages an shit, but they needin' some grub, knowhaddi'msayin? So they be all like "we so hungry" an shit and they promise those Indians some of they weed. Turn out that the Indians had they peace pipes, so the white folk are like fuck yeah dawg, these people party, too! So they all gets togethuh and have one big fuckin' party, man, smokin they weed, puffin on da peace pipes, gettin high as fuckin I don't know what.

After dat, then they fuckin chowed down, knowhaddi'msayin? Those Indians, they all show them Pilgrmizz how to fuckin make popcorn an shit and cook they cranberreez and stuff they turkey. It be the shit, the mac daddy of dinnerz. A corn-hole-acopia. They all be thanksfull an shit, thankin they Lord fo all dat food an gettin to smoke they weed whenever they pleazes.

Tyler: This is my report on the very first Thanksgiving. A very long time ago a group of peeple called the Pilgrims decided they wanted to go to America because the King over there would not let them worship like they wanted to. My daddy says that they could not have the relijun they wanted and were being purseacuted. My daddy also said they wanted to get away from fags, too, because there a lot of those over there.

The Pilgrims traveled on a big wooden ship called the Mayflower. It was big and made of wood. They had to chop down trees to make it. Lots of trees. It took a very long time to get over here and a bunch of Pilgrims died before they made it. My daddy says it was probably only the fag Pilgrims that died because they were all sick. Anyway, when they got to America, at Plymouth Rock, they didn't have much food and did not know how to grow crops. So they met the Indians, a bunch of godless dumb people. But they did know how to grow crops, though, so I don't think they were as dumb as my daddy says. They showed the Pilgrims how to grow stuff and make popcorn. That is my favorite snack, by the way. But they didn't have caramel or cheese popcorn back then. It was just plain. But they liked it.

Anyway they all had a big nice dinner. The Indians welcomed the Pilgrims and the Pilgrims were thankful that they had all that help so they gave thanks. So that is why it is called Thanksgiving. Oh and the Indians didn't have fags, my daddy says that was the one good thing about the Indians.

After the big meal, the Pilgrims tried to talk to the Indians about Jesus. Since the Pilgrims were finally free of pursecution they could talk about their relijun all the wanted. The Indians that didn't listen were shot by the Pilgrims and the Pilgrims also built cabins on their land so then they didn't have any more nice meals together.

Vichizzle: After they be smokin their shit an eatin their munchies, they feelin mighy amorous, ya dig? So then they decided to celebrate Spanksgivin, right? Yeah, those white boyz be lookin at all them barely dressed Indian hotties and they all be wantin to get a piece of dat action, knowhaddi'msayin? They wanted to tap dat Indian ass. So they were all like turnin those Indian bitches over they knee and givin them good spankins for bein such naughty savages. And the Indian bitches, they be all like "oh, oh, spanks me hardah you big white boyz!" Straight up. Vichizzle not be lyin to ya yo. I knows my shit. And then the white Pilgrim bitches, they all get to suckin that big Indian cock, cuz wit them white boyz all the time, they ain't never seen cocks so big. So they be suckin, the white boyz and the Indian bitches be fuckin, and it all be one big fuckfest, werd. Eatin, smokin, and fuckin, that be the first Spanksgiving, yo.

Tyler: Since the Indians didn't like the white man any more, since the white man took their land and didn't like how the Indians worshipped all their false gods, they started killing the white men. My daddy says they were like animals, how they cut the white peoples scalps off. So the white men had to shoot Indians whenever they saw them to protect themselves. So cept for the first Thanksgiving, there were no more Indians at the rest of the Thanksgivings. This Thanksgiving we are going to Grandma and Grandpa's house and my daddy likes going over there because there are no black people in that neighborhood. Anyway were are going to eat lots of food and watch football while the women clean everything up. Thanksgiving is fun!

11/24/04 == 12/20/04 == 12/21/04 == 12/30/04 == 01/31/05 == 02/10/05 == 02/14/05 == 05/18/05 == 07/25/05 == 09/01/05 == 10/24/05 == 12/22/05 == 07/20/06 == 10/31/06 == 02/07/07 == 07/13/07 == 12/18/07 == 9/17/08