Tyler Evans, Grade 3, Mrs. Baker's Class, Shady Grove Elementary
Vichizzle McNizzle, Pimp Daddy
Vichizzle: Yo muthafuckas, now we be talkin' about what the Vichizz know best, bein a pimp an all I gots to know the innerds and outterds of thu world's oldest pro-fession, pross-titty-tution! One of thuh thangs that's most booty-full about this occupation is the economics of it. Dig this: most of y'all least be vaguely aware of thuh concept of supply and demand, right? The mo you supply, the less the demand, less shit costs. You reduce supply, demand goes up, fuckin prices of the shit goes through the roof! The thingies I loves bout pross-titty-tution izzat it fuckin boggles this whole supply and demand shit because you sellin sex, and wit sex, ya gots endless supply and endless demand. Almost any human bein can fuck and almost any human bein wants to fuck.
Fuckin is a cha-ching bidness, y'all! And dat why it been around so long. That Mary fuckin-Magdolen in the time of Jesus be a fuckin ho. Fo real! I juss wunder who her pimp be. Hell, even in ancient Greece they be havin hohouses, though they call 'em dick-teria. If it wuzz me, though, I'd call 'em pussy-teria! Werd!
Sho not evurbody want to be a ho, Vichizz know dat. Lots of peeps got reservations bout fuckin fo money. But that don't mean I don't got endless supply. Money fuckin talk, boyz, and plenty of po-tential hos out there listenin. Sho most of 'em bitches, and most of y'all clients be hornaayy men, but I gots some studly mens paid top dollah to get the desperate womens shit off. Werd. Also gots some fuckin queer menly hos, rakin in the dough bein the gay ho. It's all dead presidents, don't matter Vichizz none. You make money fo fuckin?, you hired! You think yo loose pussy or yo huge cock a hot commodity, bring it on! I gots positions fo ya...lots of posistions, if you know what I means, heh heh!
Tyler: The other day at school I heard two girls on the playground fighting with each other. One of the girls, I think her name's Sally, called the other girl, her name's Jodie Scott, a hoe. I did not know why calling somebody else a garden tool would be an insult. I asked my daddy about it when I got home. He said that Sally did not want to call Jodie a tool. He said that ho is short for hore and that black people used that word but now lots of white people do, too. So I asked him what a hore is. He told me that it is a woman who has sex for money. Now I know what sex is, my mommy told me about it a while ago. It is where a man and a woman get together and make babies. But I guess people can make babies and money with sex. I asked daddy if someday I could make some money having sex because there's this Xbox game I really really want, that Tony Hawk one. My dad got real mad and said that people who have sex for money are dirty and filthy and all should be in jail. I asked why and he said that prostitution (that is what having sex for money is called) is illegal. I asked why. He told me it's because it's wrong.
I asked him why it was wrong. He said sex is a beeutiful thing and should be only with people who love each other. I don't know. Sticking my wee-wee in a girl's privates doesn't sound very beeutiful to me. It grosses me out, actually. You would have to pay me to do it, I thought, which is why being a ho makes sense to me. When I told dad I thought this he got really mad at me. He said I just didn't understand yet and that I would when I get older. I guess that's another thing out of all this stuff that I'm supposed to understand when I'm older, like why Aunt Terri gets real loud and talks funny at weddings and stuff all the time. Or why that lady down the street lives with another lady who isn't her mom or anything.
I don't know if I agree with dad. It seems like an easy way to make money. Just think of all the Xbox games I could afford! I think I would like to be a hore when I'm older, but just don't tell my daddy, OK?
Vichizzle: Most of y'all be surprised to hear that the Vichizz gots an economics education. Didn't stick around for no degree, but I went a year at a community college, took coupla courses. Gots to be good at the economies learnin for pimpin, straight up muthafuckas.
I also took some art so I could look at some nekkid ladies fo two hours a day. I stopped showin up, though, the day this fat dude gets up there and whips his dick out. Vichizz don't play dat shit! That was EEE-NUFF art fo me!
Tyler: I asked Sally yesterday if she would like to have sex with me for some money. She said she only had a nickel. I said no thanks. I'm worth more than five cents.
Maybe five dollars, but not five cents.
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