Tyler Evans
, Grade 3, Mrs. Baker's Class, Shady Grove Elementary
Vichizzle McNizzle, Pimp Daddy

The War on Drugs

Vichizzle: So what we gots hur to-day?! The War on Drugs? Ah-right, Vichizzle be bitin. First of all, let me hash this shit out fo ya (pun intended, y'all). So the United Fuckin State's gubment decides a long time ago dat all drugz iz bad, ya dig? All cep fo alcohol and tobacco, mind ya (well they did try try and fail mizerably wit Prohibition an shit wit alcohol). Anahways, evurthin buts them, yo weed, yo cocaine, heroine, all dat shit's bad, bad, bad. But peoples ignorin they laws and smokin they weed and snortin they cocaine anyways, so the gubment declares a fuckin war on drugs. So they be goin round, fucking drug sniffin dogz, checkin out trucks an shit comin ovah the bodah from Mexico, and fuckin settin fire to entire fuckin weed fields. See they be usin army helicopters an shit sometimes so dat's how it be a war I guess. Yeah, they be spendin hundreds a millions of our tax dollars on this endeavor to keep our country safe from the evils of drugs -- cep fo nicotine and alcohol.

Ah-right, now lets me axe you a question. What the fuck we need a WAR on drugs fo?! Or why the hell they callin it a war? Shit. They needs to spend that muthafuckin money on somethin more worthy like fixin the damn roads or subsidizin pimp schools! Werd! Yeah, I could teach at one o' them, be all like Professor McNizzle, Pimp Engineerin, pass on all my worthy pimpin knowledges that I have gatherfied throut my creer. Like the proper way to bitch slap the hos and get the bitches to fuckin behave. Or how to gets the look down, fuckin wearin the right bling bling an shit. You should see the way Vichizz be decked out, muthafuckas. Er I could tech 'em the economicals of the in-dust-tree, what each kinda hos be worth, how much to charge an shit, supply and demand and al that utha fancy college shit. All them knowledges be lost in the ether when I passes on, which could be next week if that Tyrone muthafucka busts a cap in my ass like he threatenin fo fuckin his sistah. The bitcho gets around, lemme tell ya, and Vichizz thinks ol big brutha don't know nuthin bout it.

But anyways, the gubment can makes more jack by leagalizin the drugz than by spendin all our monies fuckin settin fields of mary jane ablaze. The gubment could tax the fuck outta that shit and...

Naw, wait a minute. That'd suck. Make it all too expensive and Vichizz ain't got dat kinda monies. Neverminds.

Tyler: My daddy says that all drugs are bad. I should just say no when anybody asks me if I would like to do some drugs. He said they make you act funny and can hurt me. I told my daddy that he acts funny sometimes but he said that was alcohol and that it was OK.

Anyway, I asked him what drugs were good, that they can't be all bad. He said that only drugs doctors prescribe are good, like the oxeecontin and vikingdon and those other pills mommy takes when she's sad which is a lot. I asked daddy where the bad drugs came from. He said they were from the Damhippies. The Damhippies were long haired commies and fags that lived out of vans down by the river way back last century. They did lots of drugs and sinned a lot and they were even making babies before they got married. These Damhippies must be really bad people because only bad people do that. And all bad people, like Muslims, my daddy says, you have to fight against. So that's why they fight a war on drugs.

I asked daddy what all the bad drugs were called. He said there was marrywanna, coke (not the soda), herowin, crack, smack, and meth. One of daddy's cousins once blowed up his house making meth and he died. I guess that's why drugs are bad, they can blow your house up sometimes and your brains. I seen the commercial with the eggs on the frying pan and if that's what drugs do to your brain I will not do them. My daddy says if I stay away from Damhippies, fags, and Muslims, that it will not be a problem. So that's what I will do.

11/24/04 == 12/20/04 == 12/21/04 == 12/30/04 == 01/31/05 == 02/10/05 == 02/14/05 == 05/18/05 == 07/25/05 == 09/01/05 == 10/24/05 == 12/22/05 == 07/20/06 == 10/31/06 == 02/07/07 == 07/13/07 == 12/18/07 == 9/17/08