Tyler Evans
, Grade 5, Mrs. Rothman's class, Shady Grove Elementary
Vichizzle McNizzle, Pimp Daddy

Illegal Immigrants

Vichizzle: Ahh right, y'all. One of the latest issues that be puttin pimples on evurbody's political butts these days be illegal immigration. Puttin big ol' fuckin whiteheads on some of 'em. There are three sides to this issue. One is fuckin cold-ass Whitey, he say "Ship 'em all back, they bad for this country!" and then ya got the fuckin crybabies all like "don't be so mean to 'em! They just want a betta life!" and then ya got the people who don't really give a flyin shit. Well, maybe there fo sides cuz me and lotta utha bizznitch owners, we could give a shit less 'bout all that arguin' but we don't minds 'em as long as they help us make that dollah.

See, thu ho bizznitch, it like any utha biznitch, I believe I've covered that befo. I gots to make as much profit as I can. Y'all might be hearin bizznitch owners talkin 'bout how thu immigrants be workin harder and fo less their American employees and how the immigrants be doin jobs the citizens refuse to do! Well, one thing I find out since I be runnin a bizznitch: it's true!

Dat right. It's fuckin true. I got some foreign bitches, they be touchin dick that my utha hos won't with a ten foot hole! My Mexican hos, they suck dick nobody else will suck, no mattah how much I bitch slaps 'em! I can open up a whole can of whoopbitch but they won't go near some of the dick my foreign hos will. We talkin bout uncut dicks with cheese on 'em, dicks so old it takes 'em an hour of workin it just to get 'em halfway up! Shit, I shuddah to think of it so I think I just stop there (you would really be thankin me if you knews what else I could tell ya 'bout it!). The point is, my foreign hos, by and large (and some of 'em be large, lemme tell ya) they do in fact work hardah and fo less! I can't believe sometimes what I get away with payin' em. Yeah, some of you sayin "But, Vichizz, all yo employees be illegal cuz the ho bizznitch IS illegal!" Well in most states, yes, butt dat don't mattah! I still gotta wurry bout what I pays 'em, I am competin' with utha pimps out there! It's vurry cutthroat! I gots to have my prices lowah to compete with those muthafuckas, knowhaddi'msayin? Sometimes I gives two fo one deals! I've been kickin' 'round this Sunday buffet idea in mah head, but I dunno 'bout dat one! A buffet of hos? All's you can eats? Hmm. It's a thinkah ah-right. I get back to you on dat!

Tyler: We don't need to be worried about being invaded by aliens from outer space or even terorists. Our country is being invaded by Mexicans!

Yeah, that's right. It's a full scale invasion. My dad says they're coming over by the truckload and taking our jobs away from us! He says that most of them are lazy, though, and just come over here and get on welfare and don't ever learn English. He thinks that the Army should be at the border keeping them out, not just those National Guard pussies, and all along the border. Actually shouldn't they just build a big giant wall? I think they should do that and have Army guys with big guns and have big, mean dogs guarding it.

I remember last year, when we had to get our roof redone, the guys the roof place sent to rip up the old one and put the new one on were Mexicans. My dad complained the whole time. He didn't know that company employed Mexicans. He called them and complained, I think. They did it all in one day, though. They worked fast. After they were done some of them went through the entire yard with little tools finding all the nails and staples from the old roof. And after they were done we only found like one staple in the yard. My dad called the company and complained and said that that was a perfect example of how incompetent they are compared to American workers.

I wonder if Mexicans did Jimmy Woodson's roof down the street? I remember after the roof job on his house I was always stepping on staples and nails in his yard for a while. One went clean up through my shoe and into my foot. It got infected and my foot got really tight and I couldn't move it and I had to go to the doctor and get shots. It really hurt.

I asked Jimmy if it was Mexicans up on his roof. He said it was some fat white guys. But I think Jimmy's lying cuz he lies about stuff sometimes. Like the time that he said his dad makes dirty movies in his basement with him and some of his friends and some girls in the junior high. I mean, his dad is a cop! He's such a liar.

Vichizzle: Maybe for sanitary reasons, they can't bring the same ho back to thuh buffet... and I'll need a sneeze guard and.. naw, wait... should I juss put actual food on this muthafucka.. hmmm...?

11/24/04 == 12/20/04 == 12/21/04 == 12/30/04 == 01/31/05 == 02/10/05 == 02/14/05 == 05/18/05 == 07/25/05 == 09/01/05 == 10/24/05 == 12/22/05 == 07/20/06 == 10/31/06 == 02/07/07 == 07/13/07 == 12/18/07 == 9/17/08