Jingle bells, jingle bells
Jingle...
bellzzz...
All the way, no, jingle all the way
Jingle... jingle... jangle...
Oh what fun it is to uh
ride
In a one horse sleigh... open sleigh
Why... what the hell does that mean, "open" sleigh?
Are they, like, closed sometimes?
Dashing through the... uh, nevermind
Deck the halls with bowels of holly
Fa la la la...
uh, fa fa la la
No, wait
Falla la fa la
La la fa...
Aw, fuck it
Sumthin sumthin... oh what fun it is... oh wait
Tizz the season to be jolly
Fa la la fuckyfuckyla yadda yadda whatever
WHAT??!?!
I'M TRYIN TA--
I'M RECORDIN A FUCKING CHRISTMAS SONG, I'LL PUT THE GODDAMN LIGHTS UP LATER!
I SAID I'M RECORDING A FUCKIN CHRISTMAS SONG I'LL DO IT LATER!
I SAID I'LL DO IT LAAAATEEERRRR!!!
So, yeah, Santa Claus
He's coming to town...
Ok, um, Santa Claus, Santa Claus, he's coming to...
Howzzat go?
Oh! You'd better watch out
You'd better not cry
Cuz fuckin Santa's comin to town
And he's got this list and he's gonna check it twice
And he knows if you've been good or bad
Or if you're asleep or awake and...
That's kinda, like, creepy, y'know?
Aw, Christ, I SAID I'D DO IT LATER!!
LATER, GODDAMMIT!!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!!
Dashing through... through the...
Wait...
Silent Night... holeeeeee night
All is calm
All is bright
Ground yon virgin
Ew
Mother and child
Holy infant so
Tender and mild
Sumthin suuuummmthin
Summmm-thiiiinnnn...
Sleep in heavenly pee-uh-pieces
Uh, oop, oopooop *BRRAPPP!*
'Scuse me
*URP!* Aw, man, *urp!* Musta been*urp*
That egg nog or sumthin
*UUUURRRRRAAAPPP!* par.. pardon me
Dashing thr--
Rudolf the red-nosed reindeer
Usta laugh and call him
Wait
Had a very shiny nose!
And if you ever saw it
You'd uh you'd um say it uh glows
All of the other reindeer
Laughed and called him names
They never let him play their games
Then one really foggy Christmas Eve
Santa came to him and was like
Hey, lead my sleigh an shit!
And he was all, like, Hey, are we unionized??
But I think he did it anyway and saved Christmas
Then all the reindeer loved him and shouted his name!
And, uh
Frosty the Snowman was in a one-horse
Wait
Had a very shine
Was a little, um
Frosty the Snowman, usta laugh and call him
Goddammit
Was as jolly as he could be! That's it I think
With a corn cob pipe and a button nose
And two eyes made from coal
Down to the village with a broomstick in his hand!
Runnin all around sayin Catch me if you can!
Then there was this cop... sumthin sumthin
He hollered STOP!
Thumpity thump... thump... thumptitty thumptitty
Thumpy thumpy dump
Thump
And he went away
Dashing--!
Wait
We need a little Christmas
Right this goddamn minute, man!
Dashing through the--
I'm... dreamin' of a white Christmas
Just like the ones I usta know
What is this a KKK song or sumthin?
Where the days will be merry and bright
This is like racist or something, man
I SAID LATER, ROSE!! LAAAATERRRRR!!!!
Jesus Fuckin Christ, man
Eh, I changed him earlier!!
I DON'T CARE! I GOT A SHITTY ONE LAST WEEK! YOUR TURN!
I SAID I DON'T CAAAAARE! I'M RECORDING A CHRISTMAS SONG GODDAMMMIT! LET ME FINISH!!!
So this is Christmas...
And the war is over
Boy that Yoko Ono, what a bitch, eh?
Dashing
Wait
We wish you a Merry Christmas
We wish you
A Merry Christmas
We wish you a Merry Christmas
And a Happy New Year!
Good tidings to you and... sumthin sumthin
We wish you a Merry Christmas
Yeah! I like nailed that one man!
Sleigh bells ring ting tingling too
Lovely weather for a sleigh ride together with you
Yeah yeah sleigh ride!
Giddyup, let's go! A sleigh ride, man!
So anyways
Dashing through...
Silver bells
Silver bells
It's Christmas time in the city
Ringaling, tingling too
Lovely weather for a sleigh
Wait
Hear them ring
Soon it will be Christmas day
ROSE!
GET THAT, ROSE!
I'M RECORDING A CHRISTMAS SONG! GET IT!
Dash--
Uh
Have a Holly Jolly Christmas!
It's the bess time of the year!
I don't know if there'll be snow
Kiss her once for me!
Wait
I don't know if there'll be snow
Sumthin sumthin cheer
NO! I'M BUSY!
TELL HIM TO GO FUCK HIMSELF! HE OWES ME TEN BUCKS FROM THAT ONE DEAL!
YES TELL HIM THAT!
Christ!
Rockin around the Christmas tree
Have a Happy Holiday!
I don't know if there'll be snow
And you'll be caroling
And you'll get a feeling
Um, sumthin sumthin
And you'll be dashing through the snow!
Jingle Bell Rock
Jingle bell time and jingle bell rhyme
And give her one for me!
Du
I saw Mommy Fucking
Santa Claus!
Right underneath the Christmas tree!
Oh Daddy woulda had a shitfit if he'd only seen
Rip his head off, man! Yeah Daddy would go ape shit
The funny thing is Santa Claus is really Daddy though
Upp, sorry kids
Dash--
Er
Sleigh Bells ring
Are you listenin
Sumthin sumthin snow is glistening
A beautiful site, we're walkin in
A winter wonderland
Sumthin sumthin new bird
Gone away are the old birds
And we'll conspire
To set the house on fire
Dashing through the--!
Goddammit
Have yourself
A merry little Christmas
May your days be merry and stuff
Sumthin sumthin heart's delight
Sumthin sumthin this that and the other
All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth!
Yeah, man, my two front teeth!
Dude I'm like toothless, man
I can't say Shister Suzie shittin on a
Sissster Shooze
Shiss
Shoozie shittin
Shit, I really can't say it, man!
Fuck
On the first day of Christmas
Partridge on a pair of trees, five golden rings
And lords-a-leapin an shit
And maids milking
Aw fuck it, I can never remember all that shit
Turtle doves
Dashing thru--
Shit, man, this is a train wreck idn't it?
I promise next time I'll be
I'll be
sssober
Where's the sstop button on this goddamn--?