The last few times I went with my
girlfriend to
UConn's
Women's Clinic for
her quarterly
depo provera shot, I was somewhat unsettled to find out that I
was some sort of
dangerous creature. See, I always thought that the nurses at
the
Women's Clinic would appreciate the fact that I always accompanied my
girlfriend
when she got her shot. I saw it as an indication that I cared for her
well-being,
and I thought they'd be gratified that at least she was getting the shot while
seeing one person, and not just getting the shot so she could have
sex whenever
she wants. Now that's not a judgment call, but I know people in
health care
are acutely aware of the teenage/early adult
libido and its problems, and often
discourage
promiscuity.
I thought they'd be
pleased.
"Evil man." "
Vile creature." "Carrier of disease."
Each set of eyes that passed me in the hallway as I waited for my
girlfriend
seemed to silently weigh me on some cosmic scale of nursing, and found me sorely
lacking. You'd think I was personally responsible for every girl that had a
problem that they'd ever seen. It couldn't ever be the girl of course. I could
almost hear them saying, shouting, that if she came out with a problem, it would
be
my fault. Somehow. That's all that mattered. They weren't sure how, but they
invariably knew, in their unshakable
seat of wisdom, that it would be
All My
Fault.
The complete irony of it is that I got something from her. It was small,
harmless,
and easily treated, but that made it even more
irksome when I had to endure
their stares. Any attempt at a smile or greeting on my part was always met with
a cold look, or maybe a condescending half smile. Who knows...maybe it was a bad
day for them all...maybe they've been working together for so long, that their
periods are now in
sync, and I was in on a really bad day...maybe, maybe,
maybe....
maybe I haven't done anything wrong, and in fact got something from
one of your innocent girls, and when I came back to you for
treatment, I had
to go back five more times because you apparently had trouble treating the most
common
STD out there. And yet you still manage to look down on me. Because now
you know I have something, and though you don't know anything about me and my
partner, you still silently gloat about it, as if you could possible know who
gave it to who...oh...
that's right...it doesn't matter to you, because somehow
you already know, and you could never be
wrong...