there are little soldiers marching up and down my arms:
and I’m not sure why
; coldness or anticipation are my usual reasons, but I have no basis for feeling either.
today was strange, exhausting and marked by an invalidated sense of uneasiness. I’ve been having disturbing dreams. not nightmares, because I never have those; but dreams of irritation and discontentment. In my dream last night I accidentally aggravated a moth, which was kept from flying to attack me so long as I kept my stare on it.
I’m listening to crowded house – distant sun. it makes me feel better. I cried so much when neil finn played that to me live last year. it makes me feel better that I don’t cry anymore.
I’m not so competent at the bit after I realize that I am happy. I have to always spoil it by getting annoyed or tired or lonely.