1. Shop selling office supplies in a rigourous controlled manner. You may not approach the shelves. Instead, prepare your list in advance, then wait in line and hand the list to the shop assistant, along with your name, place of employment, employee number, job title, and security clearance. If anything on the list is available to you, you may get it after 48 hours.

    Actually, this would be a great improvement on the real "Office Depot]'s huge mega-warehouses with everything except what you need, and no shop assistants at hand to ask.

  2. Person at the office in control of the keys to the stationery cupboard and (usually) the office account at Office Despot (shop, see above), too.

    Always stay on the best of terms with this individual; s/he is the single most important person in the company!