I thought my heart was healed. In fact, it was just pretending. The outer skin was intact with no visible signs of scarring, but there was a much deeper wound. One that I was not aware of. Let me explain.

My relationship with G started in the summer of '92. Like all good relationships, we started out as friends. Eventually, we both knew it was much more. The fact that he lived more than 1000 miles away was of no concern to us. Even when we dated other people, we were always conscious of the other. We ended every phone call with "I love you". All who knew us assumed we would end up together someday...some way.

Our conversations eventually drifted farther and farther apart. I only received an occasional email (once every few months). But they all still ended with "I love you".

Finally, there was the confrontation. A letter from me asking what was happening, what he was thinking. He called. We talked about it. He beat around the bush...nothing was resolved.

A few weeks ago I got an email from him asking how I was doing, how was the family, and...oh yeah...he was getting married in November.

my heart rips wide open again...

This is not to say that I don't love my current SO, because I do. Still words cannot describe the pain I felt. ...there is no other pain quite like that of an unresolved relationship when you know it is over once and for all...