Washington shifts strategy away from "Shock and Awe"
- Military planners in Washington
have grudgingly admitted their "Shock and Awe
" air campaign has not been entirely effective. It was hoped several nights of sustained bombing would cause Iraqi generals and elite troops defending their homeland
from foreign subjugation to simply give up and accept an American military government
"We've scaled back our Shock and Awe campaign," said Joint Chiefs
Vice Director Maj. Gen. Overs Sanguine
. "Instead we're implementing a back up strategy called Concern and Miff."
Gen. Sanguine, standing before several aerial photos of buildings destroyed by cruise missile
s and F-117 Stealth Fighter
strikes, explained during his daily press briefing why Shock and Awe has had mixed results.
"Our plan was to eliminate key Iraqi command and control
elements. Night bombing raids were meant to take out government buildings and Baathist Party
office complexes in downtown Baghdad
their leadership. But apparently, no one in Baghdad works at night. Aside from cleaning staff, it turns out most of those buildings were empty when we blew them up."
Gen. Sanguine added the recent surrender of Local 410 of the Union
of Iraqi Custodial
Workers in Basra
is evidence that Saddam is losing control of his infrastructure, if not his ability to keep offices tidy.
British Royal Marine
Major Archibald Trebuchet
described it as "the mother of all walk outs". "They threw down their mops without a fight. Poor sods were even more demoralized than a Thatcher-era British coal miner
An unnamed government source offered a more candid explanation why Shock and Awe did not achieve desired results. The source indicated CIA
analysts failed to learn that most Iraqi government workers keep a 9-5
schedule and rarely, if ever, work at night.
"Many Iraqi government employees actually clock out
around 4:30 pm," stated another highly placed confidential source within Baghdad itself.
Despite Shock and Awe's apparent failure, Gen. Sanguine is resolute in his assertion that Concern and Miff
has already achieved its goals.
"Those government workers no longer have day jobs," stated Gen. Sanguine and then added after a brief pause "Or desks. If your job was in doubt, wouldn't you be concerned? And if you saw your office building leveled, wouldn't you be miffed knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that your Dilbert
mug was no more? I remember once I accidentally broke my secretary's Edvard Munch The Scream
and she made sure my photocopy jobs went to the bottom of her In Box
pile for weeks after."