A package came for me today.
The small cardboard box was addressed neatly to anotherone. No further address. I noticed that the package was also missing the postage that one would expect. I picked it up off of the doormat. It was light as a feather, but somehow... Reluctant to be brought inside. As if an invisible force kept it ouotside. I fought it, and carried it inside. I set it down on the desk next to my computer and looked at it more closely. It had a note on the back in neat handwriting.
Hey [anotherone], drink this.
I undid the twine that held the package closed. Opening the box revealed a small bottle, topped with a screw off cap. The same handwriting was on the side of the bottle, this time in sharpie.
Could it be? Was sensei right? I picked the bottle up and removed the cap. Wafting the vapor towards my nose, I considered what the gooey liquid inside might be. Liquid, of course, is a generalization- it seemed to be a sort of gel. Without thinking I took a sip. A surprisingly sweet taste exploded on my tongue- sort of a cross between cinnamon altoids, noodles, and mountain dew.
As soon as I swallowed the first sip, I wanted more. I slammed back the rest of the bottle. As I lost conciousness my head crashed into the keyboard.
fvhjikn 688e t5576 5t76 767 675hdrtfhvckugkd cudftv dvrt ydyfu iu eiyur
When I awoke there was a browser window open on the monitor in front of my eyes. Which was odd, since my head was still on the keyboard. I took my eyes off of the screen and looked around. My room had a new color scheme- the same color as the gel I had ingested. The same color as the Jukka Dim theme. Khaki.
My eyes tried to focus, but it was like I was wearing two pairs of glasses. I reached for where I thought my eyes should be to rub them, and felt only flesh. My visual sense told me that I was going too low. I moved up and found eye stalks- which I didn't have before. I removed my contacts and passed out again.
This time when I woke up, I wasn't in my room. I was drowning in a sea of khaki gel that tasted sweet. Not drowning, so much, as breathing through what I can only describe as gills. I'm dictating this writeup to one of the other inhabitants of the gel, I haven't quite gotten the hang of these tentacles yet. I heard some Eno drifting far away.
I see a hardened glob of gel floating by. Without thinking I swim towards it and open my mouth.
I think I like this.
Funny story here. I was sitting in the library at school trying to find some stuff to kill, when this guy I know plops down next to me. He looks at my monitor. "Everything...2? Is that like everything.blockstackers.com?" I explained everything(2) to him, and asked if he'd heard of it. Turns out he had, and he had a username. Kilroy. As he watched, I weeded this crap out from under him:
- ILj: Some op of some IRC chan. You wouldn't care, I didn't.
- Everything logo: The logo that tells one that this is "EVERYTHING.BLOCKSTACKERS.COM". This is wrong on so many different levels.
- I considered killing his writeup under kilroy, but since it was the only one there that mentioned the album by Styx, I left it. Someone add something good, and I have a feeling his will die.
- Shirly Temple: A girl who stared in a lot of bubble gum films in the 1920's-1930's. She had currly blonde hair. Also a non-alcoholic drink that has grenadine and sprite or 7up. This would have been a good addition to ShirlEy Temple. But here, no.
- C.H.U.D.: exactly the same as CHUD, only put under a node that nobody in their right mind would search for. If a passing god could remove Frater 219's writeup without taking XP that'd be nice.
- Killed some of my own stuff, nothing interesting enough to make fun of here.
- All singing! All dancing!: "also the name of a Simpsons episode" WOW! YOU LOSE!
- Oregon, Illinois: Some insulting crap about the place. I've been there, and they have the best Dairy Queen ever. BLAMMO!
A few other writeups from fled users that I couldn't think of little funny comments for.
- indie-rock by mydryskin. A see also node. Even though I feel bad about taking 5 XP for a common newbie mistake, the user said he didn't mind. Maybe I'll start Chinging stuff by people I kill. (you know what I mean)
Ok, as a trial I killed two things from pokey and chung a writeup by him. He didn't seem to mind and agreed that it was probably for the best that they die. Editors, take note.
Hey, now I've got the power to kill with mercy... neat.
- Linker Optimization: His writeup was interesting only for a revolutionary new spelling of the word "think." However, it didn't seem to catch on.
- vibrator- "
Lotzzzzzz ofzzz funnzzzzzatzzzzzz partiezzzzzzz." [X] axe [ ] mercy
- A whole bunch of crap under You've Been Borged !. Mostly old crap. naked_ape's was left.
I removed a bunch of stuff by one muerte
. It was all cut and pasted. Several nodeshells have been left, and they really should be filled.
- Even though it's a giant, huge, GTKYN, I cooled The single sickest joke ever. It's easily my favorite node, and always has been. It was my first C!, and, I mean, hey, sick jokes. That's always a lot of fun. Just reading through the whole thing had me ROTFLMAO.
---MORE TO COME---