I've got a few of these. (No, I didn't pay for them. At the bottom of the page, there's an affiliate program you can sign up for 40 click-throughs and you get a free set. Some strategic redirection and "awful link of the day" submissions got me a few hundred in a week.) They look like ordinary plastic rings, the kind that you might get from a gumball machine. You're supposed to put them on your pinky fingers for 8 hours a night, and then you will live forever.
It's that easy, folks.
From the instruction manual:
Important Safety Instructions: The immortality devices are not toys
. Please keep them away from the reach of children. If you are pregnant
, wear heart pacer
, or have any kind of heart disease
, consult your physician
before using the immortality devices
I think that a real immortality device would cure heart disease.
Anyway, I tried them once. I put the rings on my fingers, and went to sleep. I should tell you, I don't believe in anything. I'm the biggest skeptic you will ever meet. I went to bed expecting that I would wake up with swollen fingers, and nothing more.
But I was wrong.
You don't have to believe me, and maybe I'm wrong, but something was different. I felt more rested, I didn't fall asleep in class, even though I tried. I was happier all day, somehow refreshed. A cut on my finger was healed completely.
You don't have to believe me, and I don't expect you to. I wrote the whole experiment off as a happy coincidence, perhaps the placebo effect. And frankly, the whole experience sort of frightened me. I keep the rings around, though, because they're fun to stick on people's monitors in C++ class.
whizkid: not to mention what will happen when the sun explodes and you're just floating in the void beyond the universe. That would be boring.