I've got a few of these. (No, I didn't pay for them. At the bottom of the page, there's an affiliate program you can sign up for 40 click-throughs and you get a free set. Some strategic redirection and "awful link of the day" submissions got me a few hundred in a week.) They look like ordinary plastic rings, the kind that you might get from a gumball machine. You're supposed to put them on your pinky fingers for 8 hours a night, and then you will live forever.

It's that easy, folks.

From the instruction manual:

Important Safety Instructions: The immortality devices are not toys. Please keep them away from the reach of children. If you are pregnant, wear heart pacer, or have any kind of heart disease, consult your physician before using the immortality devices.

I think that a real immortality device would cure heart disease.

Anyway, I tried them once. I put the rings on my fingers, and went to sleep. I should tell you, I don't believe in anything. I'm the biggest skeptic you will ever meet. I went to bed expecting that I would wake up with swollen fingers, and nothing more.

But I was wrong.

You don't have to believe me, and maybe I'm wrong, but something was different. I felt more rested, I didn't fall asleep in class, even though I tried. I was happier all day, somehow refreshed. A cut on my finger was healed completely.

You don't have to believe me, and I don't expect you to. I wrote the whole experiment off as a happy coincidence, perhaps the placebo effect. And frankly, the whole experience sort of frightened me. I keep the rings around, though, because they're fun to stick on people's monitors in C++ class.

whizkid: not to mention what will happen when the sun explodes and you're just floating in the void beyond the universe. That would be boring.