I have a friend
who believes her life is at an end. I have spent the last three days arguing
with her about why she is wrong
, and tonight, it suddenly hit me that I am not doing her any good at all, and why.
I won't bounce around the subject, I am a Christian. While I am not the most likely person to jump into an argument about faith, I will defend it. I am not going to force my views onto anyone, but if you are interested in a conversation about faith, msg me. We'll talk. I don't like Religions who tote around pamphlets and go door to door proclaiming death and eternal damnation, I don't like the word 'religion' period, and I am going to live my life in such a way that you know where I stand. If you need convincing about something, I won't throw a Bible verse at you unless it is relevant to the conversation, but if it is, well, the Bible is a historical document too, and I don't think I am overstepping my rights if I use it as a reference. Sorry if this offends you.
I have been telling her that she shouldn't kill herself, based on my own experience with suicide attempts, and based on my belief. Great. She isn't a Christian, she doesn't believe in God, she couldn't care less. God loves you, you shouldn't kill yourself, He has a plan. For me, that is a pretty darn good argument. For her, the idea that there is something/someone out there that has control over what is going on is freaky, and frankly it pisses her off.
"If your God is so fucking benevolent, why does he insist on making my life this crappy?"
Great. So for three days, she has been sitting in her living room with a knife, telling me that she wants to die, and the only thing I can come up with is a God she doesn't believe in, Love that she cannot find, a plan that she cannot see.
I might as well be killing her myself.
I am torn. Obviously, Suicide is not for everyone. It certainly wasn't for me. I don't like the idea, but I am having to consider that she thinks it is the way out for her, and that I really don't have a say in the matter. I'm not going to tell her that if she does it, she'll go to Hell, She already doesn't care. She thinks she lives there. I can't do the whole "Jesus loves you" approach. . . She doesn't believe that Jesus ever existed.
I am having to go with "I love you." And I don't like it because it seems so freaking selfish.
My last resort is asking her to stay alive for ME When I don't have a thing to offer her.
I can tell her all sorts of reasons she should live, but not a single viable argument for why she should not die.
All I have is love, and I don't know how far it will get me. I don't know what to tell her anymore. I just pray that she stays alive long enough for me to find her a reason for living.