It is good to be a unique person. it is good to have your own talents, abilities, feelings and opinions. It is also good to have friends; to surround yourself with a group of people who will support you, love you, cry with you, let you lean on them when you need to cry... keep you accountable.

I joined I.V. (Intervarsity) hoping that they would be just that to me. That I would meet new people. . . and I did. I submersed myself in I.V. culture. I met dozens of people, decided to start my life fresh. I took God down from his shelf, dusted him off, and started taking him to I.V. events. I had this drive to know people, to hear their stories, and share mine.

In the midst of the I.V. "get a bunch of us together and God will show up too" spirit, I forgot that when I was alone, God would still be there. Because I craved that Godly joy, I started to spend more and more time with I.V. people.

I started drowning.

Forgetting that God was with me all the time was like swimming, and forgetting that I had to breathe.

It hit me hard when my family told me that I wasn't spending enough time with them. It hit me hard when my friend Gienie decided to take her life. My class-work started to go down hill, and best of all, I was left with another revelation about I.V. . .

The assumption that once you've accepted God into your life, and been tossed into the arms of I.V. you are going to be ok.

I was not ok.

I am not ok, and I wonder how many other people in the Intervarsity group are also not ok. I wonder how those people cope.. .or if they just put on a happy face all the time so they will seem the "good" and faithful Christian. (no-one wants to hang out with someone who is upset or depressed)

I have seen as many as 120 people show up to an I.V. event, and though there are a core group of maybe 50.. . every week there are new faces. What happened to the other 70 faces? where did they go? Intervarsity is really into that whole outreach thing, and they have been talking about going to different places and spreading the word (Kenya). . . but I wonder how they can go and expect any success if they are failing to do outreach here in America. How they can expect to lead people in other countries to Christ, if they can't even hold on to the people in their own group.

I.V. needs an inreach program. A group of people devoted to finding those other 70 people, and bringing them back, and keeping them. Maybe we don't need to go to other countries. Maybe we need those countries to come here. It seems logical doesn't it? after all. . . The majority of the U.S.A. (for all of it's freedom of religion)is currently on a path to eternal damnation. We have the smallest percentage of people coming to know God per year in the WORLD. . .shouldn't that be saying something?

Shouldn't we be praying for our leaders in the states?

Shouldn't we be leading?

I am sitting here, wondering if I just wasted half of a semester. I can seriously only think of 2 people that I have gotten to know in I.V., both of whom have as much spare time as I do. Sadly, I don't know anyone outside of IV. It seems a little strange to jump on the friendship wagon this far into the semester, but It is a step I may have to take. and maybe I can practice outreach. . . and maybe I can practice in-reach too.