Sometimes I wish I were the only one in my group of friends with deep-seated emotional problems
; No one else repress
es as well.
The pain and frustration at the fiery death of my first relationship
have died down to a tolerable ache in the pit of my stomach. The first scabs have formed over the festering wound-- oh god, it sounds like I'm writing bad goth poetry
. Shoot me now
It still hurts to think of him, to think of the things we shared together; my first kiss
. My first love
. My first broken heart
. Hell, my first pregnancy scare
. (Though that may have more to do with twenty years of repressed Catholic guilt
than any action on... his part.)
him. I hate
him. I miss
him horribly. If he were to come back now... I don't know.
Heh, and here I thought I was good at repression.
Anyways... enough self-indulgent weeping
on other people's shoulders. I did have another reason for writing this, amazingly enough-- my friends
Nate and Melissa are in love
. Though perhaps it would be more accurate to say that Melissa is in love with Nate. Both of them are on the rebound
from a less-than-stellar earlier heartbreak; both of them deserve to be happy
. It's cute, if a bit sickeningly sweet
. I'm thrilled for them, even though I cringe
to see them kiss with the joyous abandon that only young love
-- may have.
Emily, on the other hand, is not. Thrilled
, that is. Betrayed
, or jealous
might be better choices. I can't even begin to describe why. Her lack
of a happy, healthy relationship, her inability to look at boys as anything other than sexual plaything
s, and her highly possessive nature... those are just the basics. I
have a healthier worldview
, and I'm an emotional cripple
. She is the center of her friends' universes; anything else is simply not acceptable
. Hence the reason for her anger.
I'm stuck in the middle, neutral territory
as usual. Both sides use me to pass on messages to the other. It's like being back in high school
. I feel like locking the three of them into a small box and not letting them out until they've solved their problem or killed each other trying, whichever comes first. I'm tired of being the human equivalent of Switzerland