I think this will be little more than a
pointless angsty rambling mess, but that's what daylogs are for, eh?
Where to begin? I guess, like many people
my age I can say
I drink too much; Not so much that I'd consider following in the
footsteps of my forefathers and becoming an alcoholic, but I find myself spending entirely too much time and money at
the bar.
I think it's because I hate being alone.
The funny thing is that not only do I consider myself to be an
introvert, but countless
personality tests have said the same thing. It's just that hours of introspection are worthless if there's nobody to share the insights with and pointless if there's nobody providing a fresh perspective on things. (
parenthetical link).
I've met some great people in my
travels, but I can't really identify with any of them. Actually, I can't really identify with much of anyone. I keep telling myself that it's just an
environmental thing, but I have to wonder if it's just
something with me.
And in other news... I've been
enjoying my friend's
ex-wife for the last few months (it waa his idea, honestly]. Not so much 'cuz I really liked her or was attracted to her (
another parenthetical link) but because it was convenient.
Convenient in the sense that showing up drunk at 3a and looking for nookie was acceptable. Well, last night, arround 3a, I was drunk and stopped by for a
visit but nobody answered the door. However it was unlocked and I felt like letting myself in would be appropriate.
Big mistake.
What do I see? Her, passed-out naked on the couch with some guy. I always knew I wasn't menatlly cut out for
casual sex, but this really drove that home. It made me sick to see.
I can never go back.
Not only did I know that there was
another man, but considering the circumstances, it's not really suprising that one exists, but actually seeing him there just really put a damper on my day.