Once upon a time there was a lollipop salesman living in Siberia, but times were hard for men of the candy trade. His office had transformed from a lovely candy pushcart to a dark alley of Tomsk. He was forced to hawk his wares from the inside of his ratty fur coat. The secondhand lollipops often ended up stuck to the artificial fur of his jacket, and he found that oftentimes he was forced to sell such tainted candy at a third the original price.
It was not the kind of lifestyle that could sustain a man of his great ambition and oftentimes he grew wearisome. He had seen videos of grand candy shops in the lands of Hong Kong and New York and Belgium. The fantasies filled both his waking and sleeping dreams. The thoughts nearly drove him mad.
But one day as he was strolling and daydreaming of a finer, more appreciative land he was approached by a drunk fisherman named Sven. Now Sven was the kind of man that was known throughout the land for his many wacky and vivid tales. The children loved him but parents often kept their children away from the eccentric Sven.
Now say what you will, but Sven was actually a very gentle hearted and kind drunk. People always gathered to hear the fantastical stories that Sven told about his many mystical and (widely believed to be imaginary) pets, and as he approached our young candy salesman he was carrying one of such fabled creatures.
Upon first glance it looked more like a poorly constructed and painful hat but it was in actuality a magical porcupine. The candy man stopped dead in his tracks when he realized that he could very well be the first man to ever witness an animal that Sven had spoken of on so many occasions. Could it be true that it actually did as he said? Could the porcupine actually grant people four wishes?
The possibilities quickly raced through the young man's head as he thought of all the candy joy he could bring to the world with four wishes. It was his chance to make it in the confectionary world!
"Hey!" the young candy man shouted to Sven… in Russian. "Hey, I see you have your porcupine with you. Is that the magical wish granting porcupine you have mumbled about in so many bars and gutters?"
Sven jumped, seeing as he wasn't used to being addressed by real people, and then composed himself once he realized the significance of what was going on.
"Wha… uh, oh why yes It is! This is my magical hedge… porcuster, er porcupine that grants wishes to all those it deems worthy!"
"Really?" replied the young candy man, "well how can I gain the favor of your fantastical companion?"
"Oh well that's simple," stated Sven, "you must simply gain my favor and he will do as you I say."
"Why that's splendid! May I do something for you so that your porcupine will finally be able to fulfill my dreams of creating a 5 story candy store in a beautiful Asian city?"
"Yes, yes you may, all I would like is $200 or all the vodka you can find in the next shop over and I will inform my porcupine to do for you whatever you wish."
Now it suddenly dawned on the young candy man that aside from his youthful optimism he had no proof to show that the porcupine was anything other than a road kill rescue case. So he suddenly grew visibly suspicious of Sven. Perhaps Sven was just drunk and wanted to stay in his perpetual state of drunkenness so that he wouldn't have to feel the cold and horrors of daily life. Because honestly who wouldn't?
Sven quickly noticed that the young candy man no longer responded as quickly and he worried that his plan might not work out as he had first hoped. So Sven took his non-magical porcupine and stabbed the young candy man in the stomach with its spindly spines and then he jacked his wallet and ran.