A day in the life of the All-Seeing Eye,
Too much pop culture will rot your brain.
Act 1, Scene 1
Not Venice. A bed.
the Kitten, Alarm Clock
Alarm Clock: 5:34, the time the first infinitesimal ray of light
crests the curve of the earth behind drawn blinds and thick dark blue floor length curtains in my part of the world
Joker, tiny beast
forged in the bowels of Hell
and shipped in an ebony crate
made of the bones of madmen
to the local pet store
, awakes. The sleeping ape
who feeds him must pay.
Joker: Brrrt. Meeeyou. Brrrrrrrt. Purrr. Snikt*. SHRED SHRED SHRED! - *tiny noise made by 20 little razors popping up.
ASE: "What the!" - It sounds like the bed is being feed into a shredder
inches from my head. Diagnosis
A Benny Hill
-esque chase ensues. Kitty is captured, but struggles like an escaped Nazi war criminal
. His reward? Locked out of the room... at least that was the plan...
ASE: "HA! Now to close the door and squeeze a few more precious moments
out of the morning".
Door: Thump. Thump. Thump. - the door won't click shut.
Door: THUMP! THUMP! THUMP! - no click
ASE: "Aw screw it
." - Back to bed.
Enter Joker the kitten.
Exeunt Joker and ASE to Dreamland
Alarm clock: Click! "This is CBC Radio One
News. The time is now 7:00. Today in ....Zzzzt" - Snooze
is pressed in a forceful manner.
Alarm clock: 7:24
Alarm clock: 7:36
Alarm clock: 7:58
ASE: "AH CRAP
Late for work, but luckily nobody is in the office to notice. I work work work till lunch, after posting a node
on my morning break. I ask my coworkers if their animals are sunlight activated
. The conversation strays into the weird little subgutteral
noises that Joker makes. My fiancee calls it "Marge-ing out", ala Marge Simpson
. When he is frustrated or mad, he'll gurgle
at whatever is ticking him off. Seems to be a particular oddity
in my cat alone.
, greatest of the daily meals. Breakfast
and I had a falling out many years ago and we rarely talk anymore. Down to the little food court
and back in record time. Caesar salad
demands the consumption of Clorets
. Clorets preclude
s the consumption of Coke
. Drink Coke anyway. Minty yet disgusting
Work Work Work. Pop the catbox
open and watch the fun. Think of what spend my retroactive
paycheck on, thank you Union
. Shop for computer parts. Wonder why Roninspoon
hasn't been on Star Wars Galaxies
much often. Conclude that he must have a life
. Day dream
Back on the bus
with the horrors of 1666 London
to keep me entertained. Enraptured, almost miss my stop 45 minutes later. Try reading while walking home. Stop. Tie shoe
. Survey my front lawn from the street
. It is decidedly a different shade of green than that of my neighbors. A more olive drab
to his forest green
. Plan to call Weedman
Mmmm. Barbecued porkchops
. Mmmm. Cauliflower and cheese sauce fresh from Green Giant
. Ahhh, the finest milk
the grocery store
has to offer. Watch "The Young and the Restless
", feigning disinterest. Mmmm, soap opera vixens
. Make "Dun dun duunnnnnnn" cliffhanger
noise at show's end to fiancee's amusement. Clean the kitchen. Change out of work clothes. To the garage
Ah, a man's domain
. The black monolith
of my latest project sits in the middle of the floor freshly painted
. A MAME cabinet
size, lovingly restored and adapted from an abused old video poker machine
. I begin sanding a few salvaged bits of hardware, wire up the marquee lighting fixture
and screw kick plates and speaker covers on. It is nearing completion and it looks bad-ass
. A few minutes with a power sander
, a few zips with the power drill
and a bit of mopping up. Till tomorrow.
Test the jury-rigged
controls upstairs on the spare computer. Add a few layers of paint on some miniature
projects, and toss back another Coke
. Retreat to the basement. Try for 45 minutes to beat the Water boss
in Crash Bandicoot: The Wrath of Cortex
for my fiancee on the PS2
. Quit unsuccessful, foiled by a jumping puzzle
. Fire up Star Wars Galaxies
. Take the shuttle from Bestine
to Mos Espa
and hike to Fort Tusken
. Log out. Watch the Fear Factor
with Miss USA contestants
on it. Wonder why I bother with TV
anymore. Surf surf surf
. Play with the cat. Wonder why it is so quiet. Notice it is midnight
. To bed, perchance to dream.