On the subject of taking a third, brand new name for the both of you.

I knew a couple that did just that: he was enlightened and didn't want to saddle his wife with a tradition that marginalized women, and she had issues both with her father's name, and the idea of belonging to another man. So they both chose another name (Oak, I believe).

They got divorced a few months later. So now there are two people out there floating around with some random name that doesn't mean anything to anybody any more.