My aunt olga,

She decided to kill herself just last night on the 22nd. I was coming home from my part-time job (being only 16) and my brother told me in the car. My whole body slowly "turned" into lead weights. I broke down. I came home and my uncle was crying (he had moved in from costa rica for a while) and my parents were too. I comforted them. The my older brother, my younger brother and I went out to a symbolic cliff in the city and prayed for her - I hope I will see her again sometime. I never pray, and I'm the farthest away from God as I have ever been in my catholic life. But I prayed. And I wish for an after life so that I may see her.

The hardest part of this was - why? She was the happiest she could be, she had just come back from another vacation in costa rica (seeing family) and was doing whatever she wished. She had suffered from an odd form of depression throughout her life my mom 'now' tells me. But she has never shown it. She had tried before, my mom 'now' tells me. It had come out of the blue for us. For everyone.

Her husband, my uncle, is torn. He will never be the same. At 40, he has no kids, nothing to live for. He works so hard. And gives it all to her. Now there is nothing to give. He can't even live in his own house anymore, because everything there she bought and arranged. He loved it that way.

I am not used to death. It was only in movies before. I've never experienced a close death before. This one was too close. She could have been my mother. I cry sometimes now throughout the day. I hate crying, I feel so weak and pathetic. I wish I could have been there to stop her. That moment she decided to do it. Why the f*ck!!!! God. I don't know why Im typing here. I jsut need to let some words out I guess. I just know I'll miss my favourite aunt, the crazy aunt of the family. I'll miss her pauly shore impressions. She was awesome.