My whole body is numb. I stretch and move around, just to know that my body is there. I've been reading for over an hour because I have to talk about the book at 9 am tommorrow. Lying in bed, I can't feel a thing. I just want to sleep. It's 8pm.

After a summer of being with someone I love every night its hard to get used to this alone thing. Its hard to feel my body being there without the touching of someone else. I feel like a blob. Naked only in the shower and between dressing and undressing. I feel out of touch.

What did I do before I met him? I have no idea any more. Maybe nothing. Maybe the numbness was just what I did feel. I need someone to hold. Someone to run their fingers through my hair and down my sides, up my legs, over my stomach. I need to wake up and know that I am alive. Know that I am a full body and mind. Not just a pile of thoughts propelled through motion.

This long distance gets harder everyday. Its scary to feel that you need someone else to know that you're alive. Human nature I suppose.

I guess I'm just lonely.