Its time I got back, Its time I got back. I don't even know how I got off the track. I wanna go back. Screw this crap I've had it. -- Weezer "The Good Life"
I can't sleep at night. I was so tired last night. And I kept thinking, "This is great, I'll get up early and do homework." Then I couldn't sleep until 4am and I rolled into lunch-as-breakfast at about 12. I got nothing done.
I feel off track, to quote the above. I was so happy when I was with him. Like I was still how I am, who I am. But it was different. It was ok to feel like that, because I knew I'd feel better later. I don't know when I'll feel better anymore. Sometimes its when I wake up. Sometimes its when I finish something I've been working on. Sometimes someone will say something to me. Sometimes it takes an hour for me to feel better. Sometimes I'll feel down for a couple days.
I feel bad for my roommate at times like these. She's so sweet to me when I'm like this. And usually its ok. But sometimes I get drunk and tell people things I shouldn't. Things like how I want to be thrown into walls, but there is no one to do it but myself. Or I just talk about things I never told anyone but him.
I guess I'll just terrorize him into complimenting me until I see him in December. Until then, my mouth is dry, my eyes can't take the bright sunlight, and I'll do that fakehappy game.
I don't feel as bad as I make it sound. Its just one of those days.