I can't put my finger on it, but something is wrong. Something doesn't feel right. And I know it is something about me.

I think I might just be tired and stressed out and sick of thinking. Actually, I know all that. I am done being tired. I never sleep right anyways. If I just had a job I wouldn't be stressed out. If I could just get over myself I wouldn't be stressed out. But, I can't get over myself. I compare myself to every person I see.

And maybe it would make alot more sense if I was comparing myself to people and doing something about it. But, I don't. I am not anorexic. I just hate myself. And its dumb, I am all to well aware. But because its dumb doesn't mean I'll stop.

I'm so sick of being dumb. I want to be smart and funny and fun. I want to be his dream girl. But all I do is embarass myself in front of him more and more. I hate that. I really really hate that. He is the only person I need to impress, and I can't even do that.

I haven't written here in so long. Well, a couple weeks anyways. It feels different than it did before.