Dreaming of Kissing a Friend
I have to write about a dream I had a few nights ago.  I was driving back from school this evening and a song came on the radio that made me think of it: “You're Beautiful”, by James Blunt.  

There is a married woman I know, one of my friends now, as well as her husband.  We’ve been on hiking trips together with freinds, gone to yoga, etc.  She’s such a cheerful person, so apt to make you a part of the group, etc, it’s hard not to really like her.  Anyway, I gave her a ride to yoga once, and I think this brief time spent alone w/ her set up the scene for the dream.

In my dream, we were somewhere away from home.  I leaned against a building in the shade.  She walked up, as if to say something, and moved close.  In the moment, I leaned forward and kissed her.  

I knew right after that it was the wrong thing to do.  I think she said, “I hope your happy”.  In that moment, I knew that we couldn’t even be friends any more.  I couldn’t do that to her or her husband.  The rest of the dream was filled with awkwardness of “that was a mistake”.  We went back to the truck so I could give her a ride home.  The dream fades out.

This is related to how I feel about keeping things the same between myself and my female friends.  I don’t want to scare them off. At some point, I have to put myself out there, to put my feelings on the line.  Driving home today listening to the song I mentioned above, remembering this dream inspired me to keep looking for someone wonderful.

I’m not sure if I can’t tell a good thing when I have it or if I’m trying to make the best of what I have.