My best friend gets a temporary break away from her
newborn children, so she invites me to join her for
a round of golf. It was just a little too late
for us to finish all 18 holes. We had to skip two
of them. In spite of that, it was wonderful.
For example: on the second hole, I scored a birdie. A
pretty darn good one, too. On the green in one
stroke. And even though I was about as far away
from the hole as one could get while still being
on the green, I managed to sink it in one putt.
It was beautiful! The ball rolled with just
enough strength to ride up a slight gradient on
the green, and arc almost a full 90 degrees, riding
back down towards the hole. With just enough force
that it teetered on the brink of the cup for a
heart-stopping moment before dropping in. Fucking
How could a totally casual game of golf get any
better, huh? Well, not to be outdone, on the
next hole my friend upstaged me big time. There
was a dogleg to the right. She tried to hop
across it. But, her ball was too low. Smack!
She got a rabbit, to counter my birdie. That's
not some obscure golf term or anything. I mean, her
ball whacked a living, breathing rabbit!
Because you see, there were rabits and squirrels all
over the greens as we played. It must've just been
after their breeding season. They were so abundant
and chirpy that I expected to see Snow White dancing
out with a bird on her finger at any moment.
A few holes later, I had to assert my dominance over
my friend once more. For good measure. So she thought
she could challenge my pursuit of scores that were
just "named" after animals by hitting real ones,
instead. Did she? I showed her! There was a tree
with a few branches stretching out, unfurling towards
the heavens, way up overhead across the fairway.
With my mighty 9 iron in hand, I shot my Titleist
upward. I swear, from just the right angle, I made
the tee look like the launch pad at Cape Canaveral.
Just as the riffle noise of air blowing past the
ball's dimples faded out, a loud knock echoed through
the whole canyon. I can't say for sure. On account
that I never found a body. (Corpus delicti, and what
have you...) But with all the freaking chirping going
on, if I didn't actually hit one squarely, I'm sure to
have at least scared the crap out of some little birdy
sitting in that tree.