A moment is a moment is a moment...
That's what I keep telling myself. Just think about the
good stuff, the fun I'm having. Don't think too much about any of it, and just go along on the ride. Just enjoy the
moments, and ignore the weird stuff I encounter along the
But I can't help but feel confused. Both happy and afraid. Did I see my first warning sign? Or is it
She's beautiful: but beauty fades. I feel a warmth inside
I have not often felt. A swirling, tumultuous wave of emotion running out from my core to numb my lips, fingertips, and toes. A pleasant, intoxicating, melting sensation from the electricity of her touch. A sense of
belonging and completeness. But, I still hardly know her.
Should I be more suspicious? Maybe she's crazy? They often seem to be.
Am I overreacting about this? Or is it a sure foreshadowing of a great deal of lunacy I have yet to uncover? Am I right to be paranoid? Or is it just a
conditioned response from a bad taste still lingering in
my mouth from a past relationship?
Do I think I love her? Yes. So far, I think. Staring
at the stars in the sky, laying hidden between some dunes on the beach, mumbling sweet nothings, sharing our breath, enjoying the sensation of her delicate fingers tracing through my hair... Just having one of those little conversations that lovers often have. Then that one
question appeared, and I can't get it out of my head:
"Do you really love me? What if I had some horrible
condition, and wanted to die? Do you love me enough to help
me die if I asked?"
God damn it! Where do these chicks come up with this stuff?
I haven't heard this question before, but I can't help but
think I've known a mind or two before that can ponder it.
And the drama associated with such a mind has never been
I punted. "I don't know," I answered. "Do you think you
love me enough to accept that I'm simply unable to answer that question?" Phew! Luckily that worked. She just smiled, nodded, and melted against me, kissing me softly, the same as before. My answer bought me more time, and more precious moments of happiness. But I think I need to be careful. Maybe this one's crazy, too? In the back of my
mind, ruining the rest of the night for me, I tried to ignore it. Telling myself to let go and just enjoy. "A moment is a moment is a moment." But it's hardly working.