I'm going to stop saying I'm sorry. Because I've said it
enough, I meant it enough, and there's no need to keep saying it if she won't accept my apology. A person gets dumped, they get sad, they wish it never happened, and they say stupid shit. That's not a sin, that's normal.
She says how I acted made her feel bad, but I acted that way because I wasn't exactly feeling good myself. I guess she's not big enough to see it was all mutual and that there'd be a benefit to letting bygones be bygones and moving on maturely from this point.
I mostly think now about friendship and about how important communication happens to be. If one were to conduct a postmortem analysis of our failed relationship, for example, a rampant lack of communication was probably its demise. Furthermore, it's obvious now to both of us that I never quite won her heart. Maybe that was the cause of the communications problem? Maybe we held back our feelings because we were afraid of how the truth would affect things? She did say she liked me and enjoyed hanging out with me. And our dates were mostly happy just because she got to get out for a while. That sounds like the foundation of a good friendship to me.
I'm never going to just get over the fact that I couldn't win her heart. A bunch of time may be necessary for that, sure. But it's so hard to sit in isolation thinking about it when I'd rather have a nice friend to talk to. Since I figured we at least had the basis for a decent friendship, and since I sure could have used a friend, that maybe you'd think about trying that?
Isolation and hatred: bad. Communication and friendship: good. Okay?