Damn, it feels good to be a lazy slob.

Yup, that's me this weekend. I can't get motivated to do much of anything. I wrote nodes and I watched some TV. I went out to dinner with my mother. I ate some food. I put a shitload of stuff on eBay, and that's good. I could use the money right now.

Tomorrow I have my physical for the new job. Once that is over, then I will be on my way to actually working instead of just thinking about it. I've kind of enjoyed being unemployed, except for the being broke part. Its nice having the whole day to yourself to do whatever you damn well please. I could get used to this. I need to win the lotto.

Laundry needs to be done this week. That, and I need some yogurt. I also hope that this echoing effect in my ears goes away instead of developing into a sinus infection. Ugh.

I still miss him.

Alex comes home from California tomorrow, which is good. He keeps me motivated instead of being a slob. I miss him. I'll go over to his house and see him, and we'll probably just sit and snuggle for a while.

Talked with the ex I had the sex dream about for a while tonight on ICQ. He's so cool, and every time I talk to him I remember why I fell for him, and I remember why it didn't work. He's a great guy, and I really hope he can find a girl who will appreciate him. I told him about the sex dream, and he flat out asked me if he came to town and tried to seduce me if it would work. I told him no, it wouldn't work unless he drugged me. He was cool with that. And, it says a lot about my powers of self control I guess. I don't know. I have problems with my guilt over past events sometimes. I still feel huge amounts of guilt for what happened with my ex-fiance 6 years ago. I keep hoping and praying that I won't give in to my hormones on a whim because its not worth it to screw around on someone. I just really, really love my boyfriend and firmly believe that he and I will probably be together for a really long time, if not forever. I don't want to ruin something that good for a single night. It isn't worth it, and I respect my boyfriend too much to do that to him.

Ugh, I don't know why I'm writing about this. I think I'm just really tired right now since its almost 2am here and my brain is full of memories. Sometimes that happens when you write late at night - memories and all kinds of stuff flow out of you and you can't stop it. The grey weather here also makes me melancholy, and I start wondering if I can be strong enough to keep a mature relationship working, or if I'm going to be stupid and fuck it all up like I have in the past. I also start wondering if I'll ever amount to anything, or if I'm doomed to float on a sea of debt for the next 10 years while not getting anywhere.

OK, I'm going to bed.

Nodes That I Wrote Recently:
Currently in the process of reviewing various CD's in my collection and noding them if they have not been noded already. Considering movie reviews as well after a positive response to The House Of Yes. Also thinking of writing about things in Portland and the surrounding area that I like doing or going to.
tonight and the rest of my life
Interstate 5 Bridge
Requested some nukes today as well. It was for the greater good, really.

You should read the The Great Grand E2 Book Lotto node.

CD’s I’ve Listened To Today:
The Wallflowers - Bringing Down The Horse
DJ Icey - Essential Mix
Nina Gordon - Tonight and the Rest of My Life
The Cure - Disintegration
Chopin - various piano works

Today’s Horoscope on my Calendar (Aries) - Don't keep a loved one guessing about your intentions. Be open about romantic feelings as Venus charms Juno. All the arts come alive and you can be the center of attention. Tinker with electronics and high-tech gizmos tonight.