I’ve calmed down a bit since my last day log. I’m not as angry about Ryan anymore. I’m just hurt and ashamed that I got it so wrong. Everybody has been really supportive, Claire, Alicia and me had a girls evening on Wednesday, watching movies and eating ice-cream! Ryan has been blacklisted from social events by most people I know, which is kinda satisfying even if it is a bit childish. I guess in a way I’m lucky. My friend Claire went out with this guy called Andrew for 6 months before she realise that he’d been seeing other people. She was devastated when she found out, and didn’t get back to being her normal self for months. At least I didn’t actually start dating Ryan, I guess it would have hurt more if I had.

I’d also like to say thanks to everyone who messaged telling me not to give up on nice guys. That was really sweet! I know that there are some good guys out there… I’m probably just not looking hard enough (Or in the right places). I’ve never been hurt emotionally this bad before, I guess it happens all the time and in a way it’s kind of expected that you’ll get hurt in a relationship. There are a lucky few who seem to find happiness. I think there is only one couple I know who have stood the test of time and actually been together for over two years. I don’t see why people have to get hurt badly in relationships. I know sometimes it doesn’t work out (Ok, most of the time it doesn’t work out) but why should one member of the couple have to go off with someone else whilst still in the relationship? Even if the relationship isn’t working, you should at least have the respect for the other person to break up with them before dating other people. This would cause a lot less people to give up on love and many more people might actually keep the friendship with their former partner. I guess what I’m saying is why do some people, who must have been attracted to each other in the first place, feel that it is ok to hurt the other whenever they want? I guess that’s just the risk you take by entering the relationship in the first place. I know this situation is different to Ryan and me but the whole event just got me thinking.

Anyway I just wanted to day log this to try and get some thoughts out of my head (So I’m sorry If it’s a little bit all over the place). I know that people do fall in love, I’ve seen it, and what I’ve said doesn’t apply to everybody (I’m not out to offend anyone, or any gender because I know girls can be as bad as guys!).