user since
Tue Feb 15 2005 at 22:10:25 (20 years ago )
last seen
Wed Jul 20 2005 at 21:03:59 (19.6 years ago )
level / experience
0 (Initiate) / 0
specialties
Stealing other peoples work, cheating, sleeping, eating, movie watching.
motto
"Time is an illusion, lunchtime doubly so"
most recent writeup
Funny state slogans, military and famous people quotes etc. (idea)
Send private message to XÆVÆR

For anyone who doesnt know how to make the Æ sign featured in my name, you hold ALT and press 5 5 2 2 on the keypad, or see this node for more information.

Stuff for you to pretend your interested in:

  • Music Listener (Classic Rock)
  • Movie Watcher
  • Computer User
  • Book Reader
  • VideoGame Player
  • Knives/Swords Collector
  • Chess Player
  • Texan
  • The Place for random stuff to go:

    Note: if anything here offends you, i apologize because its not my fault.

  • You know you have a drinking problem when you go into a bar and everyone knows your name....and you've never been in that bar before.
  • "Wearily on I go, pain and misery my only companions. And vast intelligence, of course. And infinite sorrow. I despise you all."-Marvin The Paranoid Android- -The HitchHikers Guide to the Galaxy-
  • Something that happens, happens.
  • Anything that, in happening, causes something else to happen, causes something else to happen.
  • Anything that, in happening, causes itself to happen again, happens again.
  • It doesnt necessarily do it in chronological order, though.
  • -The HitchHikers Guide to the Galaxy-
  • Unofficial military mottos
  • "The last to know and the first to be blamed" -Communications Division-
  • "We've been to Hell... and it snows there too!" -Naval Security Group-
  • "Muscles Are Required, Intelligence Not Essential SIR!" MARINES
  • MARINE = My Ass Really Is Navy Equipment
  • "U Soldiers Aren't Ready for the Marines Yet." U.S. ARMY
  • "Uncle Sam Aint Released Me Yet" U.S. ARMY
  • and then Spelled backwards "Yes My Retarded Ass Signed Up."
  • "You have to go out out. You don't have to come back." -US Coast Guard-
  • "Support Search and Rescue, get lost" -US Coast Guard-
  • "The US Coast Guard has done so much with so little for so long, that we can do everything with nothing, forever." -US Coast Guard-
  • "Peace is Our Profession" -Several different units-
  • "Mass Murder is Just a Hobby" -Several different units-
  • "We deliver to your door" Written on front of an IDF transport truck
  • "You didn't see me, I wasn't there, and I'm not here now!" -U.S. Navy Communication Technicians (spooks)
  • "Without POL, pilots are pedestrians." -USAF POL (Fuels), Air Force Fuel troops are known as POLCATs-
  • "You can talk about us, but you can't talk without us!" -37th Communications Squadron, Lackland Air Force Base Texas-
  • "No Comm, no Bomb!" -37th Communications Squadron, Lackland Air Force Base Texas-
  • Fake State Mottos
  • Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru (Death To Mainland Scum, But Leave Your Money) -Hawaii-
  • 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free -Indiana-
  • Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names -Kentucky-
  • If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It -Maryland-
  • 10,000 Lakes... And 10,000,000,000,000 Mosquitoes -Minnesota-
  • Come And Feel Better About Your Own State -Mississippi-
  • Ask About Our State Motto Contest -Nebraska-
  • Go Away And Leave Us Alone -New Hampshire-
  • Tobacco Is A Vegetable -North Carolina-
  • At Least We're Not Michigan -Ohio-
  • Remember The Civil War? We Didn't Actually Surrender -South Carolina-
  • Si' Hablo Ing'les (Yes, I Speak English) -Texas-
  • Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus -Utah-
  • Where Men Are Men ... and the sheep are scared -Wyoming-
  • Ya want fries with dat? -Alabama-
  • The really long state -Californa-
  • Too wimpy to cross the mountains so we stopped here -Colorado-
  • Land of a billion "eyes" -Idaho-
  • We're all related -Kentucky-
  • You can spit on Canada from here -Maine-
  • Land of the free, home of the Buick -Michigan-
  • Home of the young girls from Nantucket, also the home of Ted Kennedy, hmmmm... -Massachusetts-
  • Not Sweden, but we try to act like it -Michigan-
  • We're lucky we can spell it -Mississippi-
  • At least our cows are sane -Montana-
  • We have our own nuclear testing site -Nevada-
  • Like Old Hampshire, only newer -New Hampshire-
  • We have reservations -New Mexico-
  • Like we CARE about a motto -New York-
  • English spoken here; sometimes -new York-
  • We're not named after a musical instrument -Oregon-
  • A great fixer-upper -Tennessee-
  • We like our state, so STAY OUT! -Washington-
  • Where "family values" has a different meaning -West Virginia-
  • "If the shoe fits, it's ugly." -Golds Law-
  • Anything is possible if you don't know what you're talking about -Greens Law of Debate-
  • Don't take life too seriously; you won't get out of it alive -Hubbards Law-
  • Two wrongs are only the beginning.
  • When all else fails, read the instructions -Allens Axiom-
  • When in doubt, mumble -Borens 1st Law-
  • A free agent is anything but
  • The one item you want is never the one on sale
  • A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking
  • If at first you dont succeed, skydiving definately isnt for you,/li>
  • "We were so poor my daddy unplugged the clocks when we went to bed" -Chris Rock
  • "Age to women is like Kryptonite to Superman" -Kathy Lette-
  • "I'm so old they cancelled my blood type" -Bob Hope-
  • "As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two..." -Sir Norman Wisdom
  • "Women have a passion for mathematics. They divide their age in half, double the price of their clothes, and always add at least five years to the age of their best friend" -Marcel Achard-
  • "Women: Can't live with them, can't bury them in the back yard without the neighbours seeing" -Sean Williamson-
  • "You don't know a women till you've met her in court" -Norman Mailer-
  • "Brigands demand your money or your life; women require both" -Samuel Butler-
  • One of my movies was called "True Lies." It's what the Democrats should have called their convention" -Arnold Schwarzenegger-
  • "Today, the L.A. Times accused Arnold Schwarzenegger of groping six women. I'm telling you, this guy is presidential material" -David Letterman-
  • "My choice early in life was either to be a piano-player in a whorehouse or a politician. And to tell the truth, there's hardly any difference" -Harry S. Truman-
  • "Politicians are wonderful people as long as they stay away from things they don't understand, such as working for a living" -P.J. ORourke-
  • "Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book" -Ronald Reagan-
  • "Until I was 13, I thought my name was 'Shut Up.'" -Joe Namath-
  • "Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home." -Bill Cosby-
  • "My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a bitch" -Jack Nicholson-
  • "When I was born ... the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father ... I'm very sorry. We did everything we could ... but he pulled through" -Rodney Dangerfield-
  • "I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio" -Rodney Dangerfield-
  • "I thought 'Deep Throat' was a movie about a giraffe" -Bob Hope-
  • "Hollywood is where they shoot too many pictures and not enough actors" -Walter Winchell-
  • "In Beverly Hills...they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows" -Woody Allen-
  • "I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer" -Douglas Adams-
  • "Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys" -P.J. ORourke
  • "The taxpayers are sending congressmen on expensive trips abroad. It might be worth it except they keep coming back!" -Will Rodgers-
  • "It may be true that you can't fool all the people all the time, but you can fool enough of them to rule a large country" -Will Durant-
  • "If you can't convince them, confuse them" -Harry S. Truman-
  • "We’ve all met people who are supposedly incredibly intelligent but don’t know which way to sit on a lavatory" -Stephen Fry-
  • "I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I only lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three" -Elayne Boosler-
  • "Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms" -Groucho Marx
  • "Skill is successfully walking a tightrope over Niagara Falls. Intelligence is not trying" -Anonymous-
  • "A guy at work went in for a competition and won a trip to China. He's out there now...trying to win a trip back!" -Jerry Dennis-
  • "What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer nuts are $1.50 and deer nuts are under a buck" -Anonymous-
  • "I had lunch with a chess champion the other day. I knew he was a chess champion because it took him 20 minutes to pass the salt" -Eric Sykes-
  • "Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together" -Carl Zwanzig-
  • "I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender" -Rodney Dangerfield-
  • "I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face" -Rodney Dangerfield-
  • "I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender" -Rodney Dangerfield-
  • "My mom was a ventriloquist and she always was throwing her voice. For ten years I thought the dog was telling me to kill my father" -Wendy Leibman-
  • "When I was a boy, my mother wore a mood ring. When she was in a good mood it turned blue. In a bad mood, it left a big red mark on my forehead" -Jeff Shaw-
  • "I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming" -Jimmy Carter-
  • "I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it" -Spike Milligan-
  • "We used to play spin the bottle when I was a kid. A girl would spin the bottle and if it pointed to you when it stopped, the girl could either kiss you or give you a dime. By the time I was 14, I owned my own home" -Gene Perret-
  • "Those bellhops in Miami are tip-happy. I ordered a deck of playing cards and the bellboy made fifty-two trips to my room" -Henry Youngman-
  • "I ain't saying the customer service in my bank is bad, but when I went in the other day and asked the clerk to check my balance...she leaned over and pushed me" -Anonymous-
  • "There's an old saying - There's No Place Like Home. Well, I went in the house next door, and it was very similar" -Geoffrey Parfitt-
  • "I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize" -Steven Wright-
  • "I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance" -Steven Wright-
  • "Those prizes in Cracker Jacks are a joke. I once got a magnifying glass. It was so poorly made, ants were laughing at it" -Scott Roeben-
  • "I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was. She said if she told me it would defeat the purpose" -Dennis Miller-
  • "Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares? ...He's a mile away and you've got his shoes" -Bill Connolly-
  • "My Dad used to say 'always fight fire with fire', which is probably why he got thrown out of the the fire brigade" -Harry Hill-
  • "I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, Six should be enough" -Les Dawson-
  • "Foot: A special device for finding furniture in the dark" -Unknown-
  • "My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is" -Ellen DeGeneres-
  • "When the girlfriend and I get in an argument, I begin to believe in flying saucers...and plates, pots, mugs..." -Robert Paul-
  • "I slept like a log last night. I woke up in the fireplace" -Tommy Cooper-
  • "I had a dream last night, I was eating a ten pound marshmallow. I woke up this morning and the pillow was gone" -Tommy Cooper-
  • "You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windshield, it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice" -Tommy Cooper-
  • "Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin" -Tim Vine-
  • "Cos it's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'Aaaaaagghhh!!' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in" -Tommy Cooper-
  • "Doing nothing is very hard to do...you never know when you're finished" -Leslie Nielson-
  • "It's just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up" -Muhammed Ali-
  • "The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse" -Dennis Miller-
  • "I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early" -Charles Lamb-
  • "If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would get done..." -Anonymous-
  • "Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down" -Jimmy Durante-
  • "The golden rule of work is that the bosses jokes are ALWAYS funny" -Robert Paul-
  • "And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said he would have to wait until Thursday to be connected" -Spike Milligan-
  • "To surrender to ignorance and call it God has always been premature, and it remains premature today" -Isaac Asimov-
  • "I have a marvelous and reasonably effective technique for avoiding what is not worth reading; I don't read it." -Simulacron3-


  • if you want, you can send me stuff to add in here but if you dont its entirely your choice


    Credit for the motto goes to Ford Prefect from 'The HitchHikers Guide To The Galaxy' by Douglas Adams.