A bear, a cub really, is hanging around my house. We all think it's cute'n'stuff, but ... well, it's eating our doors, scooping out great swaths of wood with its claws and eating it.
So we call animal control, and by the time they get to my house, the bear is as tall as I am and really scaring the hell out of everyone. So I look up into the sky and see a lone airplane, without wings, slowly gliding through the air, the rear half of its fuselage missing.
INSERT-->November 15, 2001 No wings/engines? No rear half/tail fin? WHAT THE FUCK WHY DO I ALWAYS HAVE PLANE IMAGERY THAT SOONER OR LATER TURNS OUT TO BE TRUE THIS IS STARTING TO MAKE ME A LITTLE FUCKING CRAZY HERE.
I decide I've seen enough planes lately, and I return my attention to the ground, where animal control, in the form of Lucy Liu, has bested the bear. The payment for her services, apparently, is my heterosexual virginity ... she wants to sleep with me.
So I try to make a go of it. It's pretty pathetic. I don't know how to remove any of her articles of clothing, and she's a terrible kisser. We both know her hasty demand for payment was a mistake, but since the world is watching us (via CNN), we have to make the best of it.
Then Trey Parker shows up, kicks Lucy out of my bed, and we snuggle under the covers, all wrapped up and cuddly. We make out and watch several episodes of Queer as Folk as we slowly fall asleep. As soon as I'm asleep in the dream ... I wake up.